


Journeys End (Book 6 of 9)

by RedRoseOfTexas



Series: Legend Of Durc [6]
Category: Earth's Children - Jean M. Auel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 17:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 36,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20029267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedRoseOfTexas/pseuds/RedRoseOfTexas
Summary: Each of us will be confronted with our mistakes. They are sometimes regrettable, sometimes fatal. All Journeys end eventually, some happily, some fatally. Either way, they are full of stories to be told. The biggest regret one should have is creating stories that no one ever hears.





	1. Chapter 1

Dura sat on the ledge, wrapped in her thick bison fur. It was cold, but mostly because of the wind off the great southern sea. The Clan that lived here let her stay with them, but she was very much an outsider. She didn’t do the usual womanly things because Durc never forced her to learn. She had hidden her weapons before approaching them, as with all the other Clan’s she approached. Many sent her away immediately, Gorn’s Clan was more accepting so she traded her second to last fire stone for a place to winter. It was a mistake to follow this land south as winter set in. She thought maybe it crossed the southern sea in the middle, but it did not. To go back north would mean crossing the mountains in winter. So, staying in this snow-less cave was just a temporary set back.   
She was mated against her will to a young hunter who treated her well at first, but she was not the good Clan woman he wanted. She took the beatings, did her best to serve him, and suffered his ridiculously short need relief sessions. Her morning tea failed once, but the medicine woman helped her expel the life that had started. As soon as spring came she would be gone and would never stay with Clan again.

Kotani woke to Melora’s worried face. “I thought you were never going to wake up. Thank you Donii!”   
She tried to sit up but couldn’t. There were sharp pains in her hands and feet. She lifted her right hand and saw two of her fingers were missing the tips. Her left hand had three fingers mostly gone. She screamed in anguish. Her baby cried at the sudden noise and she calmed. “Kurc. Where is Kurc?”  
Durc brought the child over after he calmed him and laid him on her chest. “Durc, I’m so sorry.” She began sobbing, clinging to her baby tightly with damaged hands.  
In Durc’s earlier despair, he had begun thinking what he would need to survive in Dura’s cave if he moved there for the rest of the winter. He realized it was impossible after he spent the rest of the day thinking about it. When the storm blew in and did not let up, he knew the hunters did not have any of what he thought he would need to survive there. Before dawn he was assembling the necessary supplies from his earler fruitless planning. Ayla set up the pole drag and they loaded the supplies on the travois behind Whinnie and she stoically pushed through the blowing wind with mother and son on her back, Racer and Jondalar following close behind.   
When they got to the cave they threw many fresh, dry logs in the cold fireplace and quickly had a searing heat warming the interior of the cave. The heavy traveling tent was set up with a smaller fire place inside. Some of the hunters were not responsive, and most were incapacitated. They were moved inside the tent with fresh furs and stones heated in the fire and then wrapped with thick hides surrounding them. Durc lay his body against Kotani’s cold unmoving form, trying to give her his warmth the best he could. Ayla tended to them quickly, giving those who could drink plenty of tea to warm them from the inside. When the wind died down, most were warmed and able to walk. Only Kotani and an older man were unresponsive.   
They were heavily wrapped and loaded on the now lightweight travois, the remaining unused firewood and tent left behind. Jondalar walked with two of the hunters riding on Racer’s back. They made it back to the mammoth hearth where Jonayla, Latie, and Joplaya had the hearths burning extra warm and plenty of warm food and drink ready. Durc carried Kotani to the bed platform by himself and did his best to keep her warm. The older man did not have a pulse when they got him inside. Ayla knew he was gone, so she tended to the frostbite on the remaining hunters as best she could. Kotani had it the worst, losing entire toes and parts of fingers.  
“How are you feeling?” Durc asked cautiously, bringing her the baby to be fed.  
“The pain is mostly in my failure now. I was too confident of my plan. We didn’t even need the meat. I just wanted to shake off the boredom of sitting around. A simple tent to block the wind would have saved us.  
“Only for a day or two.” I knew there wasn’t much wood there.  
“I thought it would be just overnight and in relatively nice weather. I don’t even know this region yet. Up north we would get long stretches of nice weather every winter. What made you come for me?”  
“You think I want to raise our child with Melora?” He smiled.  
“You would be with Latie. You should be with her. I was wrong to keep her away from your hearth.”  
“She is happier with someone else.” Kotani didn’t understand. There were no available men. She had looked. “She has Jondalar now.”  
Kotani’s eyes went wide in surprise. “No… he left Ayla? Impossible.” She had tried many times to entice him at summer meetings, he was a legend. He only had eyes for Ayla.  
“No, they are sharing him.”  
“He is more than enough for two. I wonder if they would be open to a third…” she smiled wryly. “I’m sorry Durc. You saved my life, or what’s left of it. I should never be mean to you again.”  
“I didn’t mind it, when it was teasing. When it became real, it really hurt.”  
“I know, I just couldn’t stop. It was not you I hated, it was myself. I chose this life. It has been a disappointment. I love my child, but I spent far too much time away from him. Constrained to this small area since winter fell, and all I wanted to do is get back out there, not spend time with him. There is something wrong with me.”  
“You want most what you don’t have.”  
She looked at him for a long time. “That is what Dura would have said. It seems a lifetime ago when the two of you were sitting there at that fire, her translating for you, but most of the words were hers. What did you think of me that day?”  
“Mostly I was just tired. I didn’t sleep well because of the bear. I woke to belligerent boys threatening to kill me and rape my daughter. I saved one of their miserable lives and get chased by Others with spears in gratitude. I finally just sat down and was willing to accept what came.”  
“You weren’t afraid?”  
“Not of you. Dura would have killed you before your spear was half way back to throw.”  
“She couldn’t have hurt me, that little girl?”  
“She killed a Clan man three times as strong and fast as you, and she was a year younger when she did that.”  
“Instead she destroyed me with words. Somehow I thought you would be stronger and smarter than her. Instead, you just take all my abuse and keep your wisdom to yourself.”  
“My mate died and left me one reason to stay alive, Dura. She’s gone, so I have no reason to live. I have chosen to do what I can for you because I do not have the courage to end my life. I would much rather be with Latie because she accepts me for who I am. I chose you because I made a commitment to you. This is the life I chose. I knew she would not be happy with what she found here and I advised her not to come. If you prefer Melora, then I am free of my obligation to you. I will continue to provide for your child and this dwelling is yours. I will make my own when spring comes. I only ask that you let me stay here in the guest bed until then because I could not bear to listen to Latie’s pleasure sounds living at the mammoth hearth.”  
“I don’t want you to leave Durc. I never wanted that. Come lay down with me.” He hesitated. “Do the fingers bother you?” He shook his head. “What is it?”  
He sat down, his mind still ruminating on that first meeting. He looked her in the eye. “Trust.” At first she was confused. Then she remembered that same tired impassive face. It had been his first word to her.  
“I have no spear this time, couldn’t hold it anyway.”  
“You have a far sharper weapon. Your tongue.” She nodded. “I do not trust you at all Kotani. I am not sure what it will take to regain that, if it is even possible. I don’t think you want to work that hard anyway. Let’s just work for the health and well being of your child.”  
“Our child.”  
“I doubt your child will ever know his father. It is likely the fate of all my sons. I will talk with them in the spirit world.”  
“You are leaving? A little while ago you were going to build another shelter for yourself.”  
“I expect to be leaving, but my body will stay behind. My work here is done.”

Dura began taking traveling supplies to a cache she built far up a hill. She ran the hill daily to get back into shape. Her mate sensed a change in her, a defiance born of her impending departure and beat her for no reason. It took a week before her leg healed enough to run. She returned with her sling and repaid him the beating. She almost killed him, but decided his humiliation was enough. She thanked the leader for his hospitality, and began her run north earlier than she wanted to go.   
This was adventure and not sitting idle for a long winter, but she could not shake the fact that a winter with Darvalo would have been far better than learning this was not a way across the great Southern sea. She had to wait a moon for the northern mountains to become passable. Another mountainous dip south into the sea proved as fruitless as the first. She found herself once again on the peninsula of her birth and made her way to Groban’s Clan. He had turned leadership over to the son of his mate, a boy too young for the position. Things had reverted back to Clan ways and many of those she knew were gone. She spent a little more time with her brother, now old enough to understand what had happened to her and their father. They ran together and she taught him the Other’s ways of hunting.   
Uba’s daughter was now medicine woman and Uba was not able to see very well. Dura thought she had maybe one winter left before she would be with her mother in the spirit world. Dura started gathering new supplies for the next part of her journey. Her brother wanted to go with her. Dura considered it. He could not keep up with her, and he was years from being able to hunt at her level. In the end, she remembered the feeling of responsibility with Kinidar and why she took him home. As summer began to wane, she left him behind, once again certain she would never return.

Durc began building his new dwelling on the far side of the settlement. Even though Kotani seduced him into pleasures several times, it was never the same. Several of the new settlers were getting ready to travel back to the Zelandonii Summer meeting. They weren’t sure if they would return, but they weren’t going to return without mates. It had been a lonely winter for the women, sharing the few available men for their needs. None of the flint working apprentices had any interest in staying in the Lanzadonii, but they were more than happy to pretend in order to share the furs with the unmated women. Kinidar fell in love with Denara because she was so self-assured like Dura was, but she was not at all interested in him. She was more interested in Dustovor, who made her believe he intended to become Lanzadonii, but he headed back to his home at the 19th cave as soon as the weather cleared enough for travel.  
Latie rode her horse up the narrow valley to get out of the cave for the day. As the winter wore on she spent fewer and fewer nights in the furs with Ayla and Jondalar. As satisfying the pleasure was, she knew Jondalar would never actually love her as a mate should. She went to Kinidar a few more times, but neither of them found a loving intimacy in the sharing. When she saw Durc stacking shaped stones under the stone overhang she steered the horse up the narrow path.  
“I doubt we are going to need more dwellings this fall. I bet four of the ones we built last year will be empty.” He didn’t respond, just looked at her a moment, and the went back to his work. “It is a nice view up here. I would probably choose this if I were staying.” Durc stopped, but did not look at her. “It is nice being down in the center of things, but I think there is some value to having a place to go away from the crowds.” He grunted, then went back to his work. “When do you think it will be safe to travel north?”  
Durc knew that would take him more than a moon of walking to bring her to the other side of the mountain pass. He thought about the woman Korg had offered him, and contemplated life with them if he stayed there. He shook that idea off immediately. “We can start after next full moon if you want.” He motioned.  
“You don’t care if I leave?” He grunted and then went to get more stones from down the hill. She turned the horse and followed him. “Was that grunt a yes or a no?” He shrugged, stacking the flat building stones that he had pre-shaped into a carrying skin. Durie began to squirm to get down, bored that horse was not moving any more. Latie was leaning toward riding away since he obviously had no interest in talking to her. Instead she got off the horse and set the child down. She picked up two of the preshaped rocks and began carrying them up the path. He lifted the ten he had stacked and followed her. The child picked up a small stone and followed his parents. She held it up, offering it to the man as Latie went back down for more stones.   
“Thank you Durie, you are a big help.” Durc said, taking the stone from the girl.  
“Durie help dada.” The child said proudly. He picked up the child and watched Latie lift and carry two more stones up the hill.  
“What are you doing?”  
“I assume you are too busy to talk to me, so I am helping you finish.”  
“What if I don’t want to talk to you even after I am done?”  
“Then at least I have done something useful today.”  
“Why did she call me dada?”  
“Because father is too difficult for her to pronounce right now, and I thought asshole would be inappropriate for a child to say, regardless the truth of it.” She went back for two more stones. He watched her walk, smiling at her back. There was something about a beautiful angry woman that he found so attractive. He stacked stones with his free arm, allowing the child to pretend that she was helping lift them. Latie was glad he was at least willing to touch the girl after avoiding her all winter.  
After carrying all the remaining stones she got her water bag and drank deeply. The sun not quite hot enough to take the chill out of the early spring air, but she had begun to sweat. She handed Durc the water bottle taking the child and sitting down on the ground to feed her.  
“The dwelling is for me Latie.” Durc said, continuing to his work more efficiently with two hands free.  
“She wants a place with a better view now that she doesn’t go out to hunt?”  
“She is staying there with Melora and whoever else she wants to.”  
Latie sat there silently, trying not to say the mean things that were going through her mind. The girl drained both of her breasts and then stood up.”Mama, Durie go horse?” she asked.  
“Soon.” She said. “You would rather be alone than live with us?”  
“I would rather be with Ura. Until then, I take the only option available.”  
“Only option? You could be at the mammoth hearth with us.”  
“And listen to Jondalar pleasure you all night. No thank you.”  
“Jondalar? You’re jealous of Jondalar?” She laughed. “I am here for you Durc, not Jondalar. You chose her and only her. I would have happily taken your spare bed and slept alone just to be near you, so she would have a father nearby. Instead you tell me there is not enough room for us. Then you move that Melora and her child in. You ignore us, and then are upset that I am with another man? What is wrong with you? If you truly want to be with Ura, go lay down on the path and I will have the horse step on your head. It will be over quickly.” Durc put down the stone he was lifting and walked down the hill and laid down on the main path. The child thought it was play and ran after and jumped on Durc. He lifted her up and spun her around giggling. He hugged her to his chest.  
Latie walked down the hill and knelt at his side, her face wet with tears. “You have broken my heart.” She leaned over and kissed him. “Goodbye Durc.” He reached up and pulled her back down and kissed her deeply, the way it had been when Kotani was not his obligation. His hands roamed her leather tunic and found their way to the skin it covered. She moaned as his rough hands found her sensitive breasts. She pushed the child out of the way and straddled him, rubbing against him. She opened the tunic and let him nurse as his daughter had done minutes before. She stood and removed her leggings and pulled out his stiff manhood and sat down hard on him. She controlled his depth and sought the perfect rhythm to find her way to the next world. She collapsed on top of him as he continued slowly pushing inside until he felt his release. She sat up after a while and looked at him. He smiled at her and she smiled back. “Don’t move. I’ll get the horse. Front hoof or back? I think the front would be better, she can aim much better with that one.” His look of genuine fear made her laugh out loud. She leaned down and kissed him again. “You are the perfect man for me Durc. Can this be our home? Can we finally be together?”  
“Mama, dada, Kurc come!”  
“That was quite a show you two.” Kotani said as she approached, attempting to shame them. They both laughed, the long built up tension between them now gone. “Durc, the baby needs to be washed.”  
“Go away stumpy.” Latie said standing up to put her leggings back on. Kotani’s eyes flared in rage and she rushed forward. Durc stopped her advance with a powerful hand.  
“You don’t belong here. I will bring Kurc back to you after I clean him up.” He took the child gently from her arms. “Go.” He commanded when she did not leave. Her anger faded to resignation when she saw the lack of concession in his eyes. He turned to Latie after Kotani was a good distance away. “Stumpy?” He suppressed his laughter, she did not. “Let’s go to the river.” They walked slowly with Durie, a hand in each of theirs. The horse followed behind, continuing to graze.  
The water was cold, but they washed and shared pleasures again after Latie explained her internal deformity being the reason for not enjoying the gift of pleasure as much as she should have. They were lounging in the sun when they heard a loud crashing through the bushes. Latie grabbed the babies and turned her back to what she thought was an imminent animal attack. Durc jumped up to defend her, but had no weapons, or even clothes. A boy with a spear stumbled forward falling nearly at Durc’s feet. Durc grabbed the heavy spear he was familiar with, but had not used in many years. Two wolves came out of the same bushes and stopped when they realized they were outnumbered. They growled and began to separate to surround the group. Latie saw them and whistled for her horse. She ran forward and then reared up when she saw the wolves, and that was enough to frighten them away. If it had been a pack of wolves they would have all perished. Durc remained wary of another attack as he guarded Latie and the children holding the boy’s spear. The boy got to his feet, equally wary of the man who now held his spear. He began to back away in the direction the wolves had retreated.  
“Stay.” Durc motioned. “You have nothing to fear from us. Go that way, especially without your spear, and you will be the wolves’ dinner. I am Durc.”  
“Gruk.”  
“Greetings Gruk. Where is your Clan?”  
“I do not know. We were hunting. I went to scout for animals, but I lost my way.”  
“Do you live toward the sun or the ice?”  
“I don’t know. I did not pay attention. This was my first hunt, I hope to become man. I follow leader. We follow bison tracks many days. I wake early and follow more alone. It rained so I lost trail. I lose trail to bison and back to camp. Why does that horse not run away?” He noticed Latie getting dressed and the horse standing beside her.  
“Horse is friend.”  
“Are you Clan or Others? You speak like Clan.”  
“I am Clan. Brun’s Clan, very far toward sunrise. I travel here and now live with Others, but I spend time with Clan’s of North. Do you know Guban’s Clan?” He motioned that he didn’t. Durc named all the other leaders that he knew. “Did you cross great ice toward sunrise?”  
“No. But we live near it.”  
Durc had an inspiration. “Which arm was toward the great ice when you followed the bison?”  
“My right arm. Oh, so I must live that way.” He motioned pointing south.   
Durc realized the boy wasn’t completely stupid. How long ago did you lose your way?”  
“Many days. Very hungry. I chase vole but it get away. Wolves chase me since morning.”  
“If you come with us, you can have some food. It is late. We can help you find your Clan tomorrow.”  
“I like food, not like Others. We have much trouble with Others.”  
“You will not have trouble with these Others. They are friends of Clan. My mother would very much like to meet you and help you.”  
“She is Clan?”  
“She is medicine woman of Clan.” Durc said, enjoying the surprise waiting in the absolute truth of that statement. He handed the boy his spear and put his clothes back on.  
Latie stepped forward. “This woman is called Latie. I greet you Gruk.” He was surprised she was able to sign. The Others he had seen had just made loud noises and thrown spears at them as they ran away.  
He grunted a greeting as any good dismissive Clan man would.  
“Latie, why don’t you give me Kurc, and ride ahead to let them know we will have an unusual guest.” Durc said the words, but signed a simpler version so Gruk knew what he was saying. She smiled and jumped up on the horse. Both of them enjoyed the look on the boy’s face as she trotted away.  
“Why do you live with Others if you are Clan?”  
“I am both. You think I am deformed, but I am both Clan and Others. I say I am Clan because I was born and lived most of my life with Clan.”  
They walked up the path and over the hill toward the mammoth hearth. Durc saw his mother walking up the hill and many others watching from a discreet distance.  
“Who is that, Durc?” He said, slowing to a stop.  
“That is my mother, medicine woman of Brun’s Clan.”  
“She is one of the Others.”  
How can you tell, Durc thought to himself.  
“This woman greets you.” Ayla motioned, assuming the normal demure posture of a Clan woman. “I would like to tend to your injuries. If you would allow me.”  
“They are just scratches.”  
“They should be tended to.” She held her worn otter skin medicine in front of her. “If you are uncomfortable with the Others, we can go back to the river. It would be better if you came with me to my cave, but I understand if you are afraid of the Others.”  
“Gruk is not afraid. I am almost a hunter of the Clan.”  
“You have nothing to fear from us.” They walked down the hill and entered the cave. Gruk looked around at the odd decorations and wall panels. Latie brought him some of the megaceros roast she had prepared earlier and served it to him on a bone platter. He devoured it quickly and asked for more.  
“You have a Clan medicine bag.”  
“That is because I am medicine woman.” She motioned in reply, preparing an antiseptic wash for the deep scratches on his arms and legs. “Who is the leader of your Clan?”  
“Norok is leader. He is older brother of the man of my hearth. The son of his mate is younger than me but already a man. I want to find bison and make my first kill so I will be man.” He continued to wolf down the food Latie provided.  
“We will help you find your people first, and then you can pursue that.” Durc motioned. “You said you traveled three days?”  
“Yes, we run most of the time, trying to catch up to the bison.”  
“I have not explored in that direction. I did not know there was Clan there. Are there many Clan’s?”  
“Yes, many Clan’s.” Durc knew this could be any number over three.  
“Are there many Others near you?”  
“No. Some years they come, some years they do not.”  
“I should take him alone.” He said and motioned. “They might be hostile to you mother.”  
“It would be good to talk to Clan, but I agree.”  
“There is no chance you are going without me.” Latie said.  
“Are you two back together?” Ayla asked Latie excitedly.  
Latie looked at Durc. He shrugged. She gave him an angry look. He smiled. “I hope so.” He said hopefully.  
“I am so happy for you. You were both so unhappy and it hurt me to see you like that.” Ayla said.  
“We’ll see if it works out. I can still go back to Lion Camp.” Latie said.  
“If that is what you want, I will go with you to Lion Camp. I don’t think it is safe for you to go with me to find his Clan.”  
“They will not feel threatened by a woman. If you don’t want to be with me I will stay here.”  
“I want to be with you.” She brightened. “But you will stay here until I return.” He commanded.  
“As long as you stay here tonight.” He nodded.  
“Drink this” Ayla motioned, handing the Clan boy a cup of tea. He sniffed it, then drank it. She led him to one of the bed platforms. “Rest here.” Gruk lay down on the furs and quickly fell asleep.  
“What if you can’t find his people?” Ayla asked.  
“He said he lives near the ice sheet to the south. I’m sure we’ll find it eventually. I’d like to learn more about our neighbors.”  
“I don’t like the idea of you going alone. Perhaps Echazar will go with you.”  
Durc nodded. “I will ask him.”

The two men and boy walked at a fast pace heading south along a natural valley trail. Echazar did not ever want to interact with Clan again. Despite this, he could not deny Durc’s request to accompany him. He spent some time with the boy and it only brought back bad memories of his time with the Clan. When they made camp at night they discussed hunting. Gruk appreciated the ability of the thrown spear to safely bring down a large animal. He was frustrated that he could not make the throwing motion required. On the fourth day they saw a fire in the distance. Gruk still did not recognize any landmarks they had seen. They increased their pace to a slow run toward the smoke rising above the trees.  
When they arrived at the source of the smoke the were only puzzled by what they saw. An enormous pile of brush and deadfall was engulfed in a bright fire. It was obviously stacked by people, but they could not understand the purpose. It looked like it had been burning for hours, maybe days. They were certain it was not Clan people that had done this, and none of them wanted to meet the Others that did this, despite their curiosity. They resumed their southern walk.   
On the sixth day Gruk saw a high stone outcrop that looked familiar. From there he guided them to his cave. The medicine woman was tending to an older man’s injuries. Durc saw the bloody broken shaft of the thin spear laying on the ground next to him. One of the Others had thrown a spear through his shoulder. Then Durc saw another man on the ground at the edge of the clearing, a spear through the center of his chest. He thought the woman next to him was also dead, but she was just mourning her loss. Gruk had run to a woman near the cave entrance and both were motioning wildly, trying to get the story of what happened.  
“Many Others. They attack in morning. They take three women. They take my sister. Hunters I was with never returned except for Kudan.” He pointed at the wounded man. Gruk was distraught.  
“Which way did they go?”  
“I don’t know.” he said helplessly.  
Durc wanted to hit the boy. He patiently put his hand on his shoulder to calm him. “Can you find out?”  
Durc and Echazar walked to the edge of the clearing where the women had pointed. They found a stream and some muddy footprints where they had crossed. There were at least five unique foot prints.  
“Go back and help your women.” Durc ordered Gruk.  
“No, I come with you.”  
“Without a spear?” He looked at the boy sternly. “Go back and help the women of your Clan. See if the hunter that returned told anyone about the other hunters. Durc turned to Echazar. “You can stay here as well. This is not your fight.”  
“It is now.” Echazar pulled his spear thrower out and felt the spears on his back frame.  
The boy was still standing there. Durc commanded him to go back as he pulled out his sling.

The two men of mixed spirits began following the trail the Others had left. They found the camp shortly before dark. There were seven men sitting around the fire laughing and telling stories. The three women, all very young, were tied with sinew bindings between the two tents. They were not moving.  
“We should circle around to downwind side of clearing. The tent will hide our approach.” Durc motioned. Echazar nodded, his spear ready to throw. It was dark as they approached the other side.  
“We must throw to kill.” Echazar motioned. “There are too many to take chances.”  
“Are you able to do that?” Durc knew the man to be more sensitive and wondered if he could live with such an action. Durc had spent years wondering if he could. He was fairly sure he could, but he knew he was about to find out. One man stood unsteadily and wandered to the edge of the clearing to relieve himself. Durc readied his sling, wanting to eliminate this one quietly. Two quick stones found the mark and the man fell forward without a word. But the men jumped up as Gruk emerged from they other side of the clearing, spear raised and roaring his rage.   
Echazar did not hesitate. He began his spear throws, some finding their mark as men began to pick up their own spears. Durc ran forward, casting stones as fast as he could, He caught one man in the back of the head as he was about to cast a spear at Gruk. He fell forward, his spear falling far short of the mark. Durc aimed at the only remaining target but he missed as Echazar’s spear found the man’s back. Durc ran forward pulling out his own spear, ready to finish off anyone that tried to get back up. One on the other side of the fire did get up but Gruk’s spear ended that.  
Echazar recovered his spears and checked for signs of life among them. Gruk ran to the three women on the ground. He fell on one of them, lifting her to him and held her tightly. Durc still had not seen any movement from them but went over to check on them. He knelt down and one of them turned slowly and looked at him with fear. He cut the sinew bindings on her hands and feet, then cut them off the other two. The first one he cut loose scrambled away as soon as he turned away. She ran behind the tent and peeked out.   
“I am friend, here with Gruk.” He motioned, pointing to the boy holding his sister. She did not come out from hiding. Durc turned at the noise and saw Echazar pushing a spear into the unmoving men on the ground. He heard moaning from the darkness and he remembered the man who had been relieving himself. He ran over and found him groggy and holding his head. He dragged him toward the fire and inspected the wound. Durc had thought it easy to kill a man with a stone since Dura had been able to kill Broud. This man had been hit twice, but it did not appear to be fatal. The hiding woman came out to help the other woman who was barely moving.  
Durc wondered if they should just leave, or if they should do something to hide what they had done. More Others would come and, if they saw what was done, it would only justify more violence against the Clan. Durc contemplated how he could hide the bodies. He knew they could be buried, but he had neither time nor tools to do that. A large body of water or deep river could be used. Removing the clothing and dragging them where carrion eaters would devour the evidence in peace. Clothing. He looked around for the women’s clothing. He went to the frightened woman.  
“Where is your clothing?” She looked down in shame. He grunted to get her attention. He handed her his knife, handle first. “Cut wraps from the tents.” He commanded. She seemed happy to have something constructive to do and immediately began cutting up the hides. He felt the woman who was not moving much. She was very cold. He picked her up and carried her to the side of the fire to see if she had injuries. The fire. He could burn their bodies and clothing and all evidence would be gone. Suddenly he remembered the large fire that had drawn them the previous day. Had the Clan hunters been at the bottom of that burning wood pile?  
“Gruk!” he shouted. The boy was inconsolable. He went over and pulled him away from the unmoving woman. Durc then carried her to the fire. She was even colder than the first, and completely limp. He checked for breath and found a very faint motion. She had not gone to the spirit world yet. “Gruk!”  
“She is dead. My sister is dead.”   
“No, she is not, but she will be unless you help us. Go gather as much dry wood as you can.” He also seemed happy to have purposeful work.  
“I think we should burn them.” Durc said to Echazar.   
He nodded. “That is what that other fire was for, wasn’t it?”  
“Probably. We cannot be close to their cave, otherwise they would not have stopped here for the night.” I still think we need to leave by early morning.” Echazar nodded. “That one is the only one alive. Watch him and I will go get our packs.”  
Durc doubted this one would wake up, and if he did he probably would not understand the language. He reached for his knife, then remembered the scared woman had it. She had wrapped herself and made two others. She had laid the sleeping furs of the Others over her two friends. She still seemed afraid when he came over to her. He picked up the knife and she cowered. He turned back and went to the man and cut his throat. The blood pumped out onto the ground and then slowed. Durc took some of the dead fall the boy had piled up and got the fire going very hot. He dragged each body next to the fire and pushed them in, forming a containing circle. He then piled the rest of the dead fall on top of the fire. He pulled the unconscious women away as the heat grew more intense. They seemed to be more animated than before, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. He went and helped Gruk get more firewood, and Echazar did as well when he returned. A larger fire was more likely to draw the Others, but they would be gone long before anyone showed up. The smell of burning hair and flesh eventually faded. Durc went through the belongings of the Others, keeping things that seemed to have value, tossing the rest on the fire.  
“This woman is Kara.” She said when he tapped her shoulder. “This woman is grateful you protect us from Others. This woman would request that she be allowed to go to stream to wash.”  
Durc grunted, knowing that would be the expected response. He pointed to the water bag by his pack and she picked it up and scurried off in the gathering morning light. Durc continued to throw deadfall onto the fire, though little trace of the men remained. He used Gruk’s heavy spear to crush the remaining bones into unrecognizable powder. The other woman had revived during the night, but Gruk’s sister had not.  
“I will carry my sister.” Gruk insisted.  
“We will take turns. We must go fast.” He had thought about building a light travois, but the terrain they had come through was not favorable. When Kara returned, they packed up and left the area. Kara carried Durc’s pack, so he could guard the rear of their fast retreat.   
There was still much disarray at the cave because there was no leader to organize. Durc knew without men, these people would die whether the Others came for them or not.  
“Gruk, is there a Clan nearby?”  
“Yes, but I don’t know where.”  
“Do any of them know?”  
“They are women.” He said, as if nothing more needed to be said.  
“They need to come with us.” Echazar said.  
“There is no way we can do that. The Lanzadonii already has too many women and children.”  
“These are Clan women and children. They do twice as much work any of us do.”  
“You think Joplaya will agree?” Durc asked.  
“She may not like it, but she will be more angry if we leave them to die. We can always take them to the northern Clans.”   
Durc nodded. He went to the medicine woman who was trying to revive Gruk’s sister. “You are not safe here. We can take you to our cave and protect you.”  
“Leader and hunters return soon.”  
“I don’t think they will.” He looked at the body of the man that was killed the day before. “You are leader now.” She was not puzzled in the least at the statement. “Talk to Gruk about our cave, he has been there. If you want to go with us, we leave in the morning.” She motioned Gruk over and they talked over his sister’s sleeping body for a long time. Several other women came over and joined the conversation.  
Gruk finally came over to talk with Durc and Echazar. “They do not want to leave. Medicine woman says Subon, hunter with spear in arm probably not survive. If not, and other hunters not return, then I am leader. They will do what I say. What will happen if we go with you?”  
“You can live with us as members of our Clan. Not all will like you, but you will be safe. We will work together to store enough food for winter and you will survive. Or you could have your own cave away from us and we can help you, I know of several. You will be safer than here but you will have no men. Or we can travel very far north where there are many Clans. They have trouble with Others, but not like this. You can also try to find one of your other Clans nearby. They should probably be warned of what has happened here, but we cannot spend all summer wandering around looking for them with the chance of running into violent Others. Echazar and I need to return to our cave. We leave in the morning no matter what you decide.” The boy was clearly overwhelmed with his situation. He had not been trained to be a leader. Durc knew the medicine woman had been watching as he laid out the options. He hoped she could give the boy wise counsel.  
“The woman Kara has prepared a meal for Durc and Echazar.” Durc got the impression that she was more than interested in going with them. As scared as she was, she knew better than any of them how they could protect her from the Others. She probably did not understand that going with them to the Lanzadonii meant living with the Others. They ate the food and Kara asked many questions about them and their home and their mates. She finally asked. “Would Kara be acceptable as second woman?”  
“Latie would be thrilled with that.” He said to Echazar, who held his laughter. “How does life keep getting more and more complicated?”  
“These people are doomed. There is no future for them no matter where they go. Their best chance to survive is with us. It will not be a life they want, but it will be life. We need to bury that hunter and find out how bad the other one is.”  
“There is no Mogur. I remember some of the motions he used to do, but I am not sure if that is enough for these people.”  
“The woman Kara would like to know why you make sounds and not signs?”  
“That is how we communicate.”  
“It is how you communicate when you do not want the woman Kara to know what you are saying?”  
“Yes.” Durc realized she was far more forward than any Clan woman would normally be in that situation. She had survived something horrific and probably did not want to end up a victim again.   
When she realized he wasn’t going to say anymore she continued. “This woman thinks the spirits have abandoned us and this cave. This woman does not understand the spirit world as well as Mogur. I think the spirits sent you to help us, to guide us.” She looked at Gruk. “Gruk say Durc was leader of his Clan before he go on journey. I think the spirits want Durc to be leader of this cave.”   
Gruk brightened at the prospect of not having this decision on his shoulders. “Yes, Durc is man, he should be leader.”  
Durc looked at the medicine woman tending to the shoulder of the only remaining hunter. She had been watching the conversation and motioned her agreement. He knew this would simplify things here, but immensely complicate things at home. “I will be leader until Gruk is man. Start gathering stones for a burial cairn.” They scattered to do his bidding. They collected far more than was necessary for one, knowing the second one would likely be necessary soon.  
Durc recognized the smell of a Datura decoction the medicine woman was preparing. He said nothing when she gave the hunter far more than a pain relieving dose. The two men were laid to rest inside the cave and the stones were piled over their bodies. Desiccating fires were lit after Durc performed a simple ceremony to guide them to the spirit world. Many of the women were suspicious of the strangers and did not want to leave their cave, their place of safety, and follow these deformed men. When they saw him also performing the duties of the Mogur, they felt he must have been sent by the spirit world to help them.

In the morning, they packed as much as they needed and set out north. Echazar walked in the rear to keep watch. When they stopped for a noon time meal, Echazar pulled Durc aside.  
“We are leaving a trail for the Others to follow.” Durc’s shoulders sagged. More complications. “I think that is how they found the cave. They attacked the hunters, and then followed the injured one that escaped. We should go west to that fire. If it is what we think it is, it will help the women come to terms with their situation. It will also lead anyone following to it. If those men were not acting under the direction of their cave leadership, the Others might stop following us when they see what they had done.”   
Durc didn’t want any more delays. He had just reconciled with Latie and his life had just started to look like it might be worth living. Even worse she might come this way looking for him and put herself in danger. “Do you know the way back to Lanzadonii?”  
“Yes, I paid close attention as we came south.”  
“Good. You go north now. Tell everyone what has happened. They are not to come this way. I will find a way to obscure our trail. Prepare Dura’s cave for our arrival there.”  
“That is a good idea, but I think you should go ahead.”  
“No, they made me leader. I will do what I can for them. I will not risk our families for them. Go as soon as you are rested. Do not let Latie come this way.”  
Echazar nodded and put on his pack. He started off on a slow run until he found a comfortable pace.  
“Where Echazar go?”  
“Back to our cave to let them know we are coming. Do you know the way to the fire we saw days ago?”  
“No.”  
“Do you think you could find your way to our caves in the north?”  
“No.”  
“Have you learned nothing about paying attention to the path you take, or will you always find yourself wandering lost in the woods?”  
“I am sorry Durc. I worry about my sister. She has not woken up since we found her.”  
Durc knew this was no excuse, he knew nothing of his sister’s peril when they traveled south. “You will walk in rear to watch for Others.” Durc had a feeling his leadership was not going to be as temporary as he hoped. They camped for the night in a small grassy field. Only a few saw him use the fire stone to start the fire, but word quickly went that he had powerful magic, his status as leader growing even more. Durc found it difficult to sleep, unable to figure out how to mask their trail. There was only a small section of rocky terrain, and that had only one logical way through. He sat staring at the fire.  
“The woman Kara is cold. Will the leader help her get warm?” She didn’t wait for a reply. She sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around him. She was probably not much older than Dura. Despite some small sexual stirrings Kara invoked, her presence was more of a reminder of traveling with Dura and the closeness they had shared on that long journey. Somehow he knew Dura would have been able to figure out exactly how to mask their trail. She would have been more useful in the fight as well. His stones were far less lethal than hers had been. He wished she was here.


	2. Trapped

Dura had climbed the tree to get away from the wolves. The branches were too close together to use her sling, and there were more wolves than she had stones. She would not die of thirst because the rain had not stopped for almost a moon. If she could have found anything dry enough to burn, a fire would have kept the wolves away. She wondered if this was the end of her Journey. She had slept in trees before, rigging her traveling tent as a comfortable hammock. It was easier than building a fire to keep predators away.   
It was a warm rain, but she was cold despite her efforts to stay dry. She wondered if starving to death up here and being eaten by carrion birds would be preferable to being ripped apart by wolves. She knew she could drop to the ground and kill one or two before one would take her down from behind, sharp teeth on the back of her neck. Its jaws probably were not strong enough to break her neck, so she would only be held while the others devoured her insides. She wondered if she would scream, or just accept it and marvel at the feeling of her body being used in a new, yet final way. She thought about Darvalo and the men of the Jamanar tribe. She even thought about that first time with Kinidar, the wonder of a new experience. New experiences were what she craved, leading to her ultimate destruction. She knew it would happen and only regretted not seeing the Great Eastern sea first.  
She woke to a bright hot sunshine on her face. The rain had finally stopped. Birds chirped and called in the forest around her. She went to grab the branch above her and felt the weakness of her body. She pulled herself out of the hammock with great difficulty, and the answer to her question came in the form of a low growl down on the ground below. She was too weak to fight them at all now. She was ready to go see Ura. She wondered if Durc was already there. She was about to start her final climb down when she felt the tree shaking. A few deer came running past the bottom of the tree, tempting the wolves to follow. Then dozens of animals, large and small followed, all running in the same direction. The shaking of the tree increased and then she smelled the smoke. A forest fire had sent all the animals into a panicked stampede.   
The wolves were gone now, but in their place were hundreds of animals rushing by, giving her no place to safely get to the ground. Her adrenaline gave her the strength to pack her belongings and get to the lowest branch she dared. A gray mammoth pushed her tree as it ran by, almost knocking her to the ground. Then there was silence as the rumble faded. She dropped to the ground and ran toward the source of the smoke. The other direction was a guarantee of becoming some thing’s meal. The smoke did not get thicker, and even though it stung her eyes, it did not prevent her rapid movement away from her tormentors.  
She found the source of the fire. Many dark skinned men and women were heaping cut grasses on large flaming piles. She wanted to keep running, but these were the first humans she had seen in two moons. They did not immediately run to get their weapons when they saw her, so that was a very good sign. She turned and looked back at the forest and realized this was some sort of animal drive. On the other side of these sparse woods was probably a large group of hunters. When they ran out of grass to burn they picked up their packs and ran the direction she came from. They looked at her, but did not stop to greet her. To the east was freedom, loneliness, and unknown danger. To the west was new people, danger, and possible death. Death had been her plan before these people set their fires, why not thank them for saving her.  
When she reached the killing ground, there were hundreds of humans cutting open all sorts of animals. Large fires were set on the periphery to scare off predators and dry the meat. An older man standing on the periphery watching came over to the newcomer and held out his hands, palms up. She didn’t understand the words, but immediately stored them as these people’s greeting. She repeated the words imperfectly and put one of her palms to her chest. “Dura.”   
He smiled, repeated her name, then put his palm on his chest and said his name. “Winizocolo.”  
“Winizicolo?” She repeated and he nodded. She put her hand to her mouth in exaggerated eating motions and recorded the word he had said, repeating it with an almost desperate expression. He smiled and took her hand and led her around the edge of the group to an area where people were seated and talking loudly, laughing and pointing. They were the hunters that had faced the stampede and killed their prey. They were enjoying their success with stories of both daring and ineptitude.  
Winizicolo handed her a bone platter and pointed at the array of food laid out. She took some of what she recognized and sat on the ground near the boisterous hunters. She tried not to wolf down the food, knowing six days of starvation after her food ran out would not react well to enormous amounts of rich food.   
Winizicolo sat in front of her with her small pack on his lap. He looked at her with inquiry and she reasoned he wanted permission to go through her possessions. She nodded and he picked up each object and studied it. He was most fascinated with the ivory carving of a giraffe that she had gotten from the Jamanar tribe. Aside from the well worn fire stone in her amulate, it was her favorite possession. It represented what she hoped would be the end of a successful journey with people dedicated to enjoying life and each other. Dura got the sense he had never seen such an animal.  
When she finished eating, she began to inquire names for the objects that surrounded them and the simple verbs that every people needed names for. The hunters joined in on the game bringing objects and acting out different verb names. They were amazed that she was forming simple sentences by the time night fell. She demonstrated her skill with the sling, knocking several birds out of the trees overhead. When she demonstrated her fire stone they were amazed, but the impact was not so great as with other cultures. They lived in a land so bountiful, they did not have to go far from home fires and were able to transport hot coals when they did. She told the story of being trapped in the tree by the wolves and that their smoke had saved her. She felt accepted by the time she curled up to sleep next to one of the hunters.   
The next morning they began packing up large loads to carry back to their village. She had no spears for her spear thrower, but on the way cut some nice saplings that could be used for that purpose. She was surprised that there were even more people that had remained behind in the village. Meat was only a small part of their diet here with the bountiful vegetation. The hunter she had slept next to took her to his grass hut and introduced her to his mate and children. The mate insisted that she stay with them, though there was barely room to stand in the small enclosure. She asked where she could work on her spears, and he took her to a large area where craftsmen of all kinds were working happily with a noisy chatter that Dura never thought she could get used to. Having been alone, and truly fearing for her life because of being alone, even the annoying noise spoke of a safety she wanted right now. She used her ivory handled knife to strip bark and form several usable spears.   
The next day she demonstrated her spear thrower to the delight of the hunters. She now had a valuable place in their society and could earn the resources they had been giving her without any obligation. The hunter she was living with never tried to share pleasures with her. She never saw any of them sharing pleasures which was unusual in such a populous group. She learned it was a very private thing when she finally asked one of the women her age about it. The woman Sinlowa described in very intimate details the sexual customs of her people. It seemed very strange and constrictive compared to every other culture she had met. When she understood that many of the young hunters had been trying to entice her within the restricted methods they were allowed, she relaxed. She had thought maybe they thought her deformed or otherwise unattractive.

When Durc found the cold funeral pyre, there was little left that was recognizable. It was an amulet sack, mostly untouched by flame, with three cave bear teeth that positively identified the former leader of the group. There was no denying their situation any more. They grieved, and many did not want to go on living. The one who had already buried her mate and processed their reality talked with the others, helping them process things.  
Durc knew this had to be the end of their trail. People willing to do this would be just as willing to do it to mixed people and those that tolerated them. When he saw a woman backing away from the charcoal grave of her mate he realized that footprints had a direction. If they all walked backwards down the trail and then stepped off without a trace, there would be a chance. He remembered the large rock they had passed. He left them there and ran back to the rock. He climbed up to the top and it was an even easier slope down. He returned to the women and got their attention.  
“We will leave soon but the Others will follow us. We have to hide the way we are going. When we are ready to go, we are going to walk back the way we came. We are going to walk backwards so our feet always point toward this terrible place. If you are not sure you can do this, try it now. We are going to say goodbye to our brave hunters and we are going to help them get to the world of spirits. After that we will leave this place and never come back.”  
A few women tried walking backwards and it looked like all could do it. If they failed he would try something else, and maybe it would be better to do multiple things. He did his motions to the world of the spirits to give the women and children comfort. They packed up and he led them backwards down the trail. When they reached the rock he helped them jump from the trail so no crossover could be seen. Once the last one was headed up the rock, Durc picked up the hide tent he had spread for them to wipe their feet. He looked to see if there was any trace and he saw none. On the other side he led them through dense woods to a clearing and then headed toward the tall peak he knew was between him and his home.

“Echazar is back.” Jonayla yelled into the main cave. They all ran out to greet him. He was smiling, but many were concerned that Durc was not with him. Joplaya ran ahead and jumped into his arms. He swung her around and kissed her. He looked at the concerned faces.  
“Durc is fine. Despite everything, he is fine. He should only be a few days behind me. It is a long story and I am very hungry.” He carried Joplaya back to the main cave telling her how much he missed her.  
“Burned them?” Ayla was horrified.  
“I think so. If we are lucky it is to hide the evidence of what they have done.”  
“How is that lucky?” Joplaya asked.  
“It would mean they don’t want the rest of their people to know what they have done. If it was what they wanted to happen, there would be no reason to hide it.”  
“What if the men that did it come after them?” Latie asked in a worried voice.  
“They can’t.” The way he said it made her not ask why.  
“How many are coming?”   
“Twelve women, one still had not woken up from the attack. Nine children including the boy you met.”  
“No men?” Echazar shook his head as he ate a large bite of bison roast.  
“And Durc is leading them here?” Latie asked.  
“He wants us to get Dura’s cave ready for them.”  
“We know that cave is not good in the winter.” Latie said.  
“He may be planning on taking them north to Korg.”   
“They can’t handle them any more than we can.” Jonayla said.   
He turned to Ayla. “Could they live among us?”   
Ayla had been thinking about that since she heard they were coming. “The women cannot hunt. Everything else they can do, gather, cook, raise the children. The boys will need to be taught how to hunt, and they can’t hunt like us. They are often alone while the men are gone hunting. I am not sure what they will do long term without mates. They are very strong so they could be great help with the work that needs to be done here. They are also extremely subservient, so it could become very easy to take advantage of them.”  
“I have thought about it from my perspective.” Echazar began. “I could understand the words that were said around me. It was very easy to talk to Durc about them without any chance they would understand. It isn’t a matter of learning the language with them, they will never be able to understand us when we speak.”  
Latie added “It was fun at summer meetings to say one thing, but use our hands to make fun of the person by saying another. It wasn’t very nice.”  
“I think Durc is wise to plan on keeping them separate for now. Maybe we can see about working together. Dura’s cave has lots of resources for them. If we can make it better for the winter they will have a chance.   
“The wind is the problem. We need to reduce the size of the holes at the top. It needs some ventilation, but not so much that the wind flows through it easily.”  
“If we could get logs up there, we could build a roof.” They all looked at Jonayla. “Like a raft. There are a lot of trees near there. Is there a way the horses could push logs up there?”  
“Maybe Jondalar will think of something. Logs could certainly be used to narrow the entrance. I think I will get some volunteers to clean it out and get enough firewood for them to cook. They should have their own bedding, and can gather fresh sleeping straw.”  
“I want to ride down and help Durc.” Latie said, getting up and heading to the mammoth hearth.  
“Latie, he specifically said to not let you do that.”  
“You can’t stop me.”  
“Maybe, but I can reason with you. He is doing what he can to obscure their trail. You riding around looking for him may hurt those efforts. Right now we need to trust what he is doing and prepare for his arrival. He should be here in three or four days. If there is no sign of him then we will go look. If we go, we go together.”  
Latie did not want to listen to him, but she knew he was right. She nodded. “Let’s go to Dura’s cave and start getting things ready.”  
Joplaya called a meeting to inform the community. Latie and Jonayla rode ahead to assess the cave. It was half a day’s walk so it was too late for a group to go there. They planned on heading out at first light, taking what was recommended by Latie and Jonayla’s assessment.  
Kotani spent a restless night. She still had nightmares about that cold night in the cave. She had much to atone for. She decided working for these new people was the best way she could do that. That meant returning to the source of her nightmare and facing it. She was no longer hunt leader, but she still went and cast her spears with a modified spear thrower. She killed much less than she used to, but she carried her share of what was butchered.   
Most of the group that headed out the next morning intended to stay a night or two so much more work could be accomplished. Kotani dropped her load of supplies and then headed down onto the sweeping plains to hunt the large musk oxen she could see in the distance. Ayla kept an eye on her, and when she took down two of the large animals, she rode Whinnie down with Racer following to help drag the animals back.  
“This will help enormously with their food supply.”  
“You don’t need to do this Lanzadoni. I don’t need you telling me how much it will help. This is what I do. I owe you and Durc and these horses my life. I have committed many sins against the Mother and I wish nothing more than to serve her for the rest of my days.”  
“I was just trying to make polite conversation.”  
“I know. It just feels like what a mother would say to a child that is doing a very basic thing. I would prefer your anger for how I treated your son.”  
“If you wish. I am very angry that you kept my son from leaving to live with a Clan woman far to the north, so I would never see him. I am very angry that you gave him a beautiful child and chose to live nearby so that I would have to see him and take care of him on occasion. I am very angry Kotani that you are not ashamed of your mixed child like a good Zelandonii woman should be.”  
Kotani smiled. “Was he going to actually live with a Flathead woman?”  
“Korg offered him one. She was second woman to a hunter and willing to be with your deformed mate. He was very lonely before you chose to be with him.”  
“He is not my mate any more. He is with Latie now.”  
“He could be with both of you. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed sharing Jondalar. Not only knowing he was doing it, but being right there I almost felt what he was doing to her.”  
“I am afraid there is no chance for that now. I destroyed his trust in me. He is better off with Latie, he truly loves her. That is why I made him push her away, I could tell how he felt about her. I am content with Melora. That was another Zelandonii prejudice that kept me from being who I am. It is good that the Lanzadonii allow those of us with abnormal appetites.”  
“I like to think that what we allow is the freedom to be happy. The only abnormal things are the ones that destroy. There are those who are destructive with their hatred and spite and jealousy and violence. It became very hard to be a part of a people that could hate children just because of who their parents chose to couple with. I thought when the old Zelandoni of the fourteenth died, her hatred would die with her, but she poisoned many of the acolytes. They knew to hide their true feelings around me, but I knew it was there. When Durc arrived, it helped reveal their malice, Even though I could have been First, and try to change their attitude, I knew it would only push it back into hiding.”  
“I still have those feelings. When Joplaya announced that flatheads would be living with us, I was instantly disgusted by the idea. Even though my son is a flathead I can still find disgust for the people he is related to. That is why I know I continue to sin against the Mother and why I am compelled to serve her. As I was gutting these oxen I pulled out the heart and buried it and thanked the mother for her gifts as I always do. I began to wonder why I had a heart full of hatred for one type of animal and not another. Your animals saved my life. They have hearts. We have hearts too. Plants do not have hearts. Only animals have hearts. That makes us animals, doesn’t it? Just because we talk with our mouths may make us better animals, but we are still just animals. Right?”  
“No. I agree that we are like all of the Mother’s creatures, but it is what we do with our lives that is different. An animal does what it has to for survival. We do that. It is when the actions are malicious that I think they are against the Mother. Like the wolverine that kills just to kill. Or the hyena that steals the kill from those that did the hard work of hunting. I hate those filthy animals. Hating Clan when you have never actually seen one, or known anything about them other than disparaging stories, is what some people do to feel better than animals. We may be smarter, but we are not better.”  
They walked in silence as Kotani contemplated the words. “I hate feeling inferior. My hands limit my ability to do what I love. I know it was my pride that caused the damage to my hands. I just hate being less than I was. Seeing flatheads as more was, in a way, seeing us as less. That is why we fight it.”  
“But we all become less as we age. It is something we must learn to accept. You had a more rapid decline because of the injury, but you are still able to do far more than most. Less than who you were is not less than the average. You could become one of those that spend their days drinking barma and pushing out children that you don’t care for. Instead you are still the hardest working among us. The Lanzadonii would be much less without you. My words of gratitude are honest, not as a mother to a child. They are from a woman to another woman. I didn’t go out into that blizzard because my son made me. I went because you are among the most valuable of the Lanzadonii women. That has not changed.”

Durc headed west when he saw the large butte he had seen many times from the opposite direction. Everyone was tired and hungry, but no one complained. When he saw the oxen herd running south he wondered if he could get one of them. It seemed like they had been chased by something and he worried about large predators. If it was lions, they were all dead. His mind seemed to seek out the worst possible thoughts and he had to fight them. When the herd turned toward them and one bull strayed even further toward them he knew it was a gift. He knew he should thank Ursus, or the Mother, but he always thanked Ura when things went his way. He believed she was still up there bending the universe to his needs. He hoped she was still doing the same for Dura.  
His spear flew true, dropping the animal and sending the thundering heard back to the west. The women of his Clan made fast work of the animal and they all ate well for the first time on their exile. It was early to make camp, and not the best of locations, but he had pushed them all very hard and had not taken the easiest route. He was confident that if the rains came there would definitely be no trail to follow.  
“The woman Kara would like to bring the leader whatever he needs.” Durc laughed when she exaggerated the word ‘needs’, knowing he needed his relieved. He didn’t think he could bring himself to do it. She had been forced by the Others, but clearly was not as traumatized by the experience as the other two. Gruk’s sister had finally come out of her long sleep, but she was out of her mind with terror. Even though she no longer needed to be carried, he thought she was better off sleeping. The medicine woman gave her strong sedatives at night, but she woke with screaming nightmares every morning when they wore off. Even her own brother could not approach her without causing a strong panic.  
“We will arrive at your new cave tomorrow.” He motioned, deflecting her obvious advances.  
“Will the leader take this woman to his hearth?”  
“The leader already has two women, and his life is too complicated as it is. If you want a mate I will need to take you on a much longer journey north.” Korg had been trying to unload a second woman on him, he had no way to provide for twelve more. These would be people he would have to provide for indefinitely. Of the four male children, how many will become true Clan men without true Clan men to teach them the ways of the Clan? The longer they stayed near the Lanzadonii, the less Clan they will be. If the mix of the two is the future, then these women will be the ones who get it going. Will Lanzadonii men be willing to take part in that? They tolerate us, some like and appreciate us. But will they be willing to knowingly create more like us? His mixing with them would produce a three parts of four Clan, the opposite of his young children. How could he ask the Lanzadonii men if he was unwilling?  
He made the signal and Kara turned and presented. There was something to having a woman do what you want on command. He couldn’t tell if she enjoyed it or was reliving the Others forcing her. He relieved his needs and lay down to sleep. Kara curled up next to him and he did not push her away. What is one more complication he thought to himself.

Dura followed the young hunter into a large pool of water. They swam to the other side and sat in the mud of the shallows.  
“You have the most beautiful eyes.” He said to her. She almost believed that he believed it. He had wasted half a moon on courting her. She would have let him have her the first night, but he insisted on the chase. It was almost as if he wanted to mate her before they shared pleasures. “You are the most fearless hunter I have ever known. We pretend to be brave, but you really are.”  
“Is this your first time with a woman?” Dura asked.  
“What?”  
“You have been talking to me forever. Don’t you want to touch me? Don’t you want to put your lips on my body and feel my lips on yours?”  
“Of course Dura. But there are customs that must be satisfied.”   
“I need to be satisfied.” She dove back into the water in frustration. She dressed and put her belongings in her small back pack. She ran from the village unsure if she wanted to return. At least she didn’t have to wait for her moon time to know she was not pregnant.

“I need to stay with them for now, they look to me as their leader.” Durc said.  
“Why can’t we stay here with you?” Latie asked.  
“Because the Other’s make them nervous.”  
“Your mother is one of the Other’s and it does not bother them.”  
“She is Clan. She speaks their language fluently. Even the medicine woman accepts her as a medicine woman of the Clan.”  
“We have one day together and now you are choosing other women over me again.”  
“You think I want this? I love you Latie, this is only temporary.”  
“How temporary?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“If you plan on spending another winter apart then I am going back to Lion Camp.” It was an empty threat, both of them knew it. She had no desire to go back to a place where her child would grow up an outcast.  
“It will not be.” Durc said without conviction.  
“I understand your need to be here. I am willing to live here as well if it comes to that. You are leader. I know you can make them accept me. I will give you time, two moons.”  
“Yes Latie, less than two moons and we will be together.”  
“My sister is not getting better.” Gruk said to Ayla when she walked to their hearth. “She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep because of the night terrors.” The young woman was holding her knees rocking manically.   
“She may die Gruk. She may want to die. She sees the terrible things they did to her, and there is nothing any of us can do to help her. It is too bad that she may lose her child.” Ayla detected a pause in the girls rocking. Ayla had wondered if she had been watching her words or just staring blindly through her.  
“Child? She will have a child?”  
“Yes, but if she does not eat, she will lose it. Here is some tea if she is willing to drink it.” Ayla stood and left, but watched him attempt to break through. Ayla doubted the young woman was pregnant, but she remembered a time in her life when finding out she was pregnant had pulled her out of her despair. The third woman was healing well and, despite the loss of her mate, she was dealing with her experience in stoic Clan woman fashion.  
Ayla enjoyed her time with Lada, this Clan’s medicine woman. She was very different than Isa had been. Once Ayla proved her knowledge of Clan medicine she was accepted. The two spent several days building up the store of medicinal plants as well as a familiarity of the area around the cave.  
“I am afraid Gruk’s sister will not recover.”  
“She may surprise you.” Was all Ayla could say. “I am more concerned with the rest of your people.”  
“I have lived a long time and seen many changes. There have always been stories about the Others, but we always avoided them. Our new leader began to purposely hunt in their territory since he claimed it used to be Clan territory. I don’t know the details, but I treated the wounds of several hunters. They claimed it was from the red deer they killed, but I think it may have been a fight with the Others.”  
“With hands?”  
“Hands, sticks, who knows.”  
“A man of the Clan is many times as strong as a man of the Others.”  
“The thing I am trying to tell you is that the young leader was not always even tempered.” She looked around worriedly, even though she knew no man had survived to see her words. “He may have brought this on us. He was very controlling, encouraged the men to make us… especially compliant. Though they miss their mates, they do not miss their mates’… attention.”  
Since she was being candid, Ayla decided to ask the question. “How long do you think you can survive without men? We should be able to provide plenty of meat.”   
“It is hard to say. As long as we have something to occupy us it shouldn’t be too bad. Most believe the spirits have abandoned us, but their children’s health is far more important to them. There will be a loneliness eventually, especially for the younger ones without children. I will do what I can to get them involved in caring for the children already here. The leader has done well not to favor any one of them when relieving his needs. They are essentially all in his hearth for now.”

“You are relieving your needs with all of them?” Ayla had pulled Durc aside.  
“Not all. I certainly am not going to Gruk’s crazy sister and the old women.”  
“Why would you share pleasures with any of them? You want to get them all pregnant, have more mouths to feed?”  
“If none get pregnant, then they will know the spirits have abandoned them and they will lose hope. If a mixture is the future, then we need mixed children. What Lanzadonii man is at all interested in relieving his needs with any of these women? Other than maybe Kinidar, who was open minded enough to be with Dura, none will do it. Gruk is old enough to start making unmixed children, but unmixed children are doomed. The only way this group survives long term is to become Lanzadonii and the more mixed, less Clan they become, the more acceptable they will be.”  
“Is that why you sent Latie away? It will destroy her when she finds out.”  
“By then we will be mated and living together as we should have last year. Is there a ceremony for untying the knot with Kotani?”  
“Yes, but are you sure you need to do that? She is very vulnerable right now.”  
“She went out of her way to hurt me. I will never trust her again. She has Melora.”  
“We can do it next time you are at the cave if you want. But it isn’t necessary prior to mating Latie, if that is truly what you intend to do. You are not planning on bringing her here and making her live all winter with all the women you have impregnated?”  
“I may have to. She said that is acceptable.”  
“Acceptable until she finds out how many are carrying your children.”  
“What do you suggest I do? Leave them alone all winter, no hope of having children, no hope of any future?”  
“Take them to the northern Clans. You know that is where they belong.”  
“No, they belong in their own cave with their men. Instead Zelandonii men slaughtered them like bison and threw them into a fire.” He was now yelling his rage.  
“Zelandonii?”  
“Yes. The clothing was distinctly Zelandonii, probably the Southern Zelandonii. How long before the 29th cave goes back to their old ways and slaughters the northern Clans? They will murder us all if we let them.” He stormed out of the cave leaving his dumbfounded mother staring in shock.

After they had brought several moons of meat to the Clan women of the cave to keep them fed through the summer, the hunters headed back to their homes.  
“Their ability to process those animals is amazing.” Joplaya said.  
“Women of the Clan are very strong, and they work very hard.” Ayla replied.  
“Do you think they could process our animals as well? It would be easier to carry dry meat from Dura’s cave. It would be a way for them to earn what we are doing for them.”  
“You think they need to earn that? Since when do women and children need to earn what the Lanzadonii provide?”  
“They aren’t our women and children… I mean they aren’t Lanzadonii. I am not saying we shouldn’t provide for them. I am just saying it would be a fair trade. We need to provide enough for all and it is… was very difficult just for those we have at our caves. If we didn’t have to process the animals, we could spend more time hunting them. Dura’s cave is one of the best hunting grounds, but it is a long way to carry the animals.”  
Ayla had to admit she was being reasonable. They did need to contribute to their survival, but cutting and drying ten times the meat they needed for themselves might be too much. “I will discuss it with Durc when I return.”


	3. Southern Clans

Dura stood on the white sand beach and watched the waves roll toward her. It was the bright blue water that surprised her. The comfortable warm breeze had the typical smell of salt water, but it was far more welcoming. The palm trees lining the endless stretch of shoreline were bent at odd angles. She wondered if this was the great eastern waters. If the world was shaped like she imagined, following the shoreline north would lead to the great ice wall. She might head that way to be sure this was the the end of her Eastern journey, but she decided she was going to explore and enjoy this warm tropical area for a while.  
What she didn’t know is hundreds of people lived right where she stood only ten years earlier. They were swept out to sea by a powerful typhoon. The beauty of the area was matched by the danger of it’s precarious position in the tropical weather belt.

It was the middle of the short summer and Latie was feeling more than frustrated by Durc’s evasiveness about his future plans. It had been half a moon since she had seen him even though he promised he would visit. She decided to ride down to Dura’s cave and confront him. The sun was setting as she approached the cave. There were normally a few of the women in front of the cave doing various tasks, but there was no sign of life. She let her horse graze as she walked up the hill to the cave’s entrance. Inside she saw Durc waving his arms, telling stories of his life’s adventures to an attentive audience. She had not seen him so relaxed and happy in a long time. Much of the supplies they needed for winter had been stored, so his worries had faded. When he finished the story, the women went back to their tasks and Durc went to his hearth. Kara met him there and lavished praise on him for his story. Latie was about to enter the cave when Kara got on all fours and Durc proceeded to mount her from behind.   
Latie was frozen in shock. She turned to leave, ashamed that she had trusted him. She knew it would be dangerous to ride back in the growing darkness. She looked back at Durc thrusting his hips. Latie took a deep breath and walked in and sat down at his hearth and began nursing her child. When Durc realized she was there, he immediately stopped and covered up. Kara turned her head, wondering why he had stopped so abruptly and saw Latie sitting there.  
“Don’t stop on my account.” Latie said, sounding much calmer than she felt. “You obviously have needs. I was watching you tell your story and I was thinking how much happier and relaxed you look. Now I understand why.”  
“It’s not what you think Latie.” Durc said weakly. He motioned for Kara to leave. She did so with disappointment.  
“You aren’t fucking a flathead? I’m sure you are just seeing to the needs of your Clan. I don’t care Durc. My life has been one disappointment after another. Why would I expect anything more from you?”  
“I told you it would be complicated if you came here. My life was simple at Lion Camp. I only wanted to keep my daughter alive and prepare her for her Journey. Ever since I arrived in this new land my life has become about more than myself. I am trying to save the Clan. When you found me in the north I was working with the Clans to prevent the slaughter and destruction of my people. All I wanted to do is get that lost boy back to his people, and I was confronted with my worst fears, a wholesale slaughter of a Clan. I did not want this responsibility. I would rather finish my home and fill it with supplies for a long winter with you and our child. These women have no future without me. I have been given no choice in this. I could spend a moon marching them up to the northern Clans. They are just as likely to get slaughtered up there even if they would be accepted by Korg and the other leaders. They would become second, third, even fourth women to hunters that can barely provide for one woman and her children. On top of that these women would be considered unlucky.”  
“I agree, their situation is bad. Why are you coupling with them instead of me? They are not bothered by the presence of Others here. There is no reason we cannot be here with you, unless you prefer coupling with them.”  
“I do not prefer it. They need hope. They need to know the spirits have not abandoned them. They need children.”  
Latie blinked, trying to process what he just said. After a long silence she asked incredulously “You are doing this to get her pregnant?”  
“Yes.”  
“Just her?”  
“No.”  
“How many?”  
“There are five either without a child or done nursing their youngest.”  
“Five? And you plan to walk away from them at some point?” She looked around. “Are any of them already carrying your child?”  
“Two, I think.”   
Latie closed her eyes, wondering how much deeper in despair she could sink. “That makes three of us then.”  
Durc smiled, then remembered Jondalar. “It could be Jondalar’s.”  
“No, it couldn’t. I bled after the last time I was with them, and he never put his essence in me anyway.”  
Durc’s smile returned. “I love you Latie. I want to finish our home for you to build a hearth with me. I want us to be a family. I think they will be able to get through the winter without me. If they can’t then they will never survive with me here. If you can just wait a little longer.”  
“Our home is finished. A few others helped, knowing that you are here helping these women. These clan women have saved the hunters so much time by cutting and drying the meat and rendering fat for us that we are almost done filling winter storage. Do you really think you can be with me this winter?” She asked hopefully.  
“Yes. As long as they have the supplies, they should be fine. I will probably want to visit to check on them, but the truth is, the medicine woman is the true leader of these people now. They think only a man can do it, but I think they can get used to being led by her. As long as we provide meat since the women can’t hunt, they should survive. If we begin to mix, they have a better chance of long term survival.”  
“Won’t they see them as deformed?”  
“It was the men that imposed that on them. What mother would not love any child that comes from her body?”  
Latie seemed to accept that. She noticed Kara watching them from the side of the cave. “Your woman over there does not seem to have a hearth to go to. Does she sleep here with you?” Durc did not answer. “Does she remind you of Ura?” He shrugged, not able to meet her eyes. Latie motioned for her to come over. “You are Kara?”  
“This woman’s name is Kara.”  
“Where do you sleep?” She looked at Durc, then down and away. “You want to be Durc’s mate, have children of his spirit?” Again she didn’t answer. “Are you afraid to answer me?”  
“This woman is not afraid to answer the mate of the leader.”  
“I am not Durc’s mate.” Kara looked up and met her eyes, confused. “The big woman with missing fingers is his mate.” Kara looked even more confused. ”Really.” She motioned to assuage Kara’s doubt. “Do you think Durc is a good leader?”  
“Durc is best leader.” She said without hesitation. “He saved us from Others. He gives us new home with much good food. Things not good with other leader. He make Others want to hurt us. Durc makes Others help us. I only want to serve the leader in gratitude for all he has done.”  
“Kara is one of the women that was taken and abused.” Durc said.  
“So, you rescued her personally.” Latie said.  
“Actually, Echavar did most of the rescuing that night.”  
“Kara, is it acceptable that my child and I stay here at this hearth with you and Durc tonight?”  
Kara was perplexed at being asked this. “It is the leader’s decision.” She finally motioned. This confirmed to Latie where she normally slept.  
“Maybe, but I want to know if it is acceptable to you?” They looked at each other for a long time, a silent understanding growing between them.  
“It is acceptable to this woman.”  
“Good. Does the leader know you are with child?”  
“Of course.” She gestured, like it was a stupid question. This confirmed that Durc was not just trying to get her pregnant earlier.  
Latie put her hand to her own belly. “I am pregnant too. The leader’s spirit is a powerful one.”  
“Hers may be from one of the Other’s.” Durc said quietly.   
“I’m sorry Kara, it is rude to talk words and not hands, but I have things I want to say to Durc privately.” Kara nodded, accepting the explanation and turning away to give even more privacy. “You didn’t answer me earlier. Does she remind you of Ura? I always imagined Ura was like a womanly version of Dura, but maybe she was more like this one.”  
He didn’t like what she was asking because it diminished the one true love of his life. He decided to be honest anyway. “Ura did look more like Clan that Dura, but she had high forehead like me. This woman does not remind me of Ura. She reminds me why I am doing this.”  
“And you need a daily reminder? Never mind. It is just petty jealousy. I need to accept that you belong to the path you have chosen, not to me.” The child had fallen asleep in her arms so Latie laid down and curled around the little girl, knowing she was the only thing she could count on in her life.

“It is much too dangerous Jonayla.” Ayla said.  
“They won’t hurt me. They only hate the Clan. I think we need to find out who they are and what they know.”  
“We know they are rapists and murderers.”  
“And what if they show up here some day? What if they decide to make a bonfire with Durc and Echazar? As far as they will know, I am a trader from the Ninth cave. I will tell them I was scared by a group of ‘flatheads’, and get a feel for their reaction. I doubt the entire cave will condone what those men did. If they do, we need to know about it.”  
“Then we will go with you.” Ayla said.  
“You are too emotional. You will get angry at what they say and put us all in danger. Kinidar and Gandular have already agreed to go with me.”  
“I need to think about this. I agree we need the information, but it is not worth your life.”  
The three young traders left before dawn. When Ayla found out, she wanted to chase after them, but knew Jonayla was doing the right thing.   
“I’ll go bring her back if you want.” Jondalar said.  
“We can’t keep her from doing what she thinks is right. I need to help Joplaya make preparations for the summer meeting. Are you still planning to visit your sister and her family?”  
“I think so. Maybe I should wait until Jonayla comes back. She really wanted to go too.”

“I am Jonayla of the ninth cave of the Zelandonii, daughter of the Zelandoni of the Ninth cave, Granddaughter of the former leader of the ninth cave, mated to Willomar, former trademaster of the ninth cave.”  
“I knew Willomar, he was a good man. Welcome Jonayla of the Ninth cave. What brings you to the fourth cave of the southern Zelandoni?”   
“We have goods to trade. We are headed to the southern sea to trade for salt and other rare items. These are my traveling companions, Kinidar of the nineteenth cave of the Zelandonii, and Gandular of the third cave of the Lanzadonii.”  
“Lanzadonii. They have the best flint. Did you bring any high quality stones?”  
“No, we are hoping to go there with the salt to trade for quality flint.”  
“Don’t take the eastern path north. We have had a lot of trouble with the flatheads over there. There have been a few attacks, and some of our hunters have disappeared. It is not safe.”  
“Attacks?” Jonayla asked as innocently as possible.  
“Usually they keep to their side of the hills by the glacier. Two of my hunters returned severely bruised, saying they were beaten by a group of them. A few weeks later a group of six hunters disappeared. We searched in the direction they said they were going, but found no sign they had been that way. We think they may have gone east instead, perhaps following a herd. We searched in that direction but only found a recently abandoned flathead cave. As you can imagine, we are worried about our hunters, especially if the flatheads are becoming increasingly violent.”  
“You think the flatheads hurt your hunters?”  
“We don’t know. It is not uncommon for one person to go out hunting and disappear because the animals were too much for them to handle. My mother’s brother was killed by a cave bear not long after his manhood rights, because he thought he could handle it alone. The only reason we know what happened is a search party found his torn, bloody clothing near the den of the bear. For six young hunters to all be overcome by a bear, or even trampled by a herd of bison, and leave no trace, is impossible to believe.”  
“We ran into a large pride of lions a few years ago, but that was far west of here.”  
“How did you escape?”  
“We built a fire and then carried torches until we were well away from them.” The leader nodded thoughtfully. Jonayla seemed to appraise the man as less likely to be advocating violent retribution. She decided to gamble on his open mindedness. “We have found the flatheads in the north to be quite friendly, once you get to know them.”  
“What do you mean, get to know them?”  
“We trade with them occasionally. They make some of the softest furs. There were some troubles a few years ago when some local boys tried to make sport of them. Once you talk to them, you realize they are just like us, trying to survive and raise their children.”  
“You really talk to them? I have heard stories of the Zelandonia learning to communicate with them, but there are also wild stories of the wolf that loved the woman.”  
“That woman is my mother, Zelandoni of the ninth cave, and the stories about her are true.”  
“They can’t all be true. Like riding on the backs of horses.”  
Jonayla whistled and Gray came galloping up the slope. “I assure you they are true.” She stroked the horse’s face and then told her to graze nearby. “I like my horse to stay out of sight when we meet new people. Not everyone reacts favorably to her.”  
“That is incredible. Are you a Zelandonia as well?”  
“My mother wants me to be, and she has trained me in many of their ways, but I prefer the life of travel and trading. Is there anything of value you need or have you would like to trade?” She had the information she needed and she thought it better to move on before circumstances could turn against her. They discussed various items and the Leader invited them to stay in their cave for the night. Jonayla knew it was impolite to refuse, but thought sharing a meal with them was enough.  
“You are as good a trader as your trademaster Willomar ever was. I hope you will come back this way soon.”  
The three rode southwest until they were out of sight and then headed around to the east toward the ice sheet. Kinidar came running back with a report that he had found signs of a Clan, but could not locate their cave. She hoped it was not another victim of the young men of the fourth cave. They spent three days moving much further south than they wanted to go, but finally found what they were looking for.  
Gandular stayed behind with the horse and their trade goods. Jonayla put on a simple wrap that was in the Clan style, but with far more utilitarian value. She followed Kinidar slowly toward the cave. They had been seen and she could tell they were very agitated by the sight of Others so close to their home. The strongest hunters stood in front, their spears ready, but not pointed menacingly.   
Kinidar was able to communicate a greeting from a safe distance. “We greet you, people of the Clan of the Cave Bear.”  
The appearance of Others was disturbing, but their ability to speak to them was almost too foreign to conceive. One man stepped forward and motioned for them to leave.  
“We will leave.” Jonayla stepped forward and motioned. “We have news of Norok’s Clan if you would allow this woman to tell you.”  
“We only want Others to leave.”   
Jonayla could tell the man had no curiosity, and his agitation was only increasing, probably because it was now a woman speaking. She wished Durc was here. She thought about leaving and bringing Durc back, but he had too much to deal with as it was. She didn’t want to come back here either. She summarized it as quickly as possible.  
“Norok and all his hunters are dead, killed by the Others. The men of the Others that did the killing are dead as well. The women and children of his Clan are now safe in a new cave far to the north. We wanted to discuss with you bringing these women and children to these Clans that they know, but if you do not care about them, we are going.” She turned to Kinidar and said, give them a ‘walk with Ursus’ signal and turn to leave.  
They both turned to leave, but Jonayla kept him in her peripheral vision. He conferred with another man, probably the Mo-Gur, and then motioned for her to stop. “Stay here” she said to Kinidar. She walked back with some deference to the fact that she was a lowly woman. She sat at his feet and waited to be tapped on the shoulder.  
His first question was “How do you know Clan ways?”  
She didn’t want to go into the long explanation. “My mother is Clan medicine woman. She taught me to know and respect Clan ways.”  
He contemplated this and finally asked another question. “How do you know about Norok’s Clan?”  
“My brother is the one that killed the men of the Others. because they had killed men of Norok’s Clan and had taken some of the young women. It was not safe for him to travel here because he is Clan.” This he understood. It was not safe for any of them. “I understand you cannot take on the burden of so many women and children, but the male children should not grow up without a man of the hearth to train them. This woman would ask if any would be welcome here in your Clan or others in this area?”  
“They are all welcome here, but you are right, they would be a burden. Perhaps too much of a burden.” He seemed to consider what he had just said. “They are Clan. They come here.”  
“This woman is grateful. It will probably be next spring when they come so you have time to prepare.”  
“Is Yunda among them?”  
“Yes, Yunda and her three children are safe.”  
“She is sibling. Tell her she is to come here.”  
“I will do that. May I ask your name?”  
“This leader’s name is Dorgan.”  
She nodded. “We believe the Others in this area are not all dangerous. It is usually the young men. They do not know the location of this cave and we will not tell them. We may send a runner to tell you about the arrival of the women. Do not trust the Others unless they come to you like we did, no spears, and able to talk Clan gestures.”  
He grunted. “What is this woman called?”  
She smiled, knowing it was a large concession, and yet he would not be able to pronounce it. She gave him one he could pronounce. “Ayla.”

The three tired travelers took the shortest path, following the great ice sheet until they found the river path down to the Lanzadonii.   
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but traveling with Dura was a lot more fun.”  
Jonayla turned to Kinidar. “Because she shared pleasures with you, right?”  
“No, not that I would turn you down if you begged me.”  
“In your dreams.”  
“Every night, beautiful. Traveling with Dura was always looking for something new. You are always on a mission. You always have a goal in mind. It is like work.”  
“It isn’t work if you love doing it. Wandering the planet just to see something you haven’t seen before is a waste of time. What did you really get out of it other than stories to tell?” He was quiet, her words hurting as he saw the truth in them. “Kinidar, you were children having fun. We all had fun back then. We’re older now, and we have to be serious. People are being killed.”  
“I guess.”  
“You can probably have more fun if you go back to the caves of the Zelandonii. Life is simpler there. You can find someone to settle down with and have children. That will be fun working all day to care for them and provide for them.”  
“I’m sorry Jonayla. I was just trying to cheer you up, you seem so serious all the time. I always felt like I was holding Dura back. I know she did too and that’s why she brought me back here and left me. You make me feel useful, and I would much rather go on these safe trading missions than into the wild unknown.”  
“That’s good Kinidar because I count on you to be my eyes in the far distance. We would have been wandering for a moon looking for that Clan if you hadn’t found them so quickly. How many times have you saved me days of travel by scouting the path ahead? I know you miss Dura, we all do. But even when she was here, her mind was always out there. You should find someone to take your mind away from her. And no, not me. What about Denara?”  
“She scares me.”  
“Go to the Zelandonii summer meeting and see if you can find someone who wants to move here.”  
“I thought about that, but I am low status there.”  
“Low status girls aren’t good enough for you?”  
“It’s not that. They…” he trailed off.  
“None of them want you because you were with an abomination.” He nodded. “If that is the way they think, then they are no good for you or the Lanzadonii. When we go to the western sea, I will try to help you find someone.”  
“Really?”  
“I will do anything to get you to stop asking me to share your furs.”  
“Am I that undesirable?”  
“You’re like a brother Kinidar.” she lied.  
“Oh. Really?”  
“You were practically mated to Dura. She was like a sister, even though she is the daughter of my brother.” Hoping to prevent him from asking the obvious next question she asked her own. “So what kind of woman do you want?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Why don’t you think about it while you go scout ahead.” He smiled, nodded, and took off running.  
“Poor bastard.” Gandular said. “Dura ruined him.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“She gave him an adventure he never could have imagined, and his life going forward will be so much less than that no matter what he does.”  
“Does life have to always measure up to what it was before?”  
“Usually it is ups and downs, like the hills we are traveling. Dura took him to the highest mountain, like the top of the great ice wall, and now these hills are just tiny bumps. It would be like killing a mammoth and the rest of your life hunting only rabbits. You know what all the women look like to him? Rabbits. Except you, of course.”  
“Me? Why?”  
“Seriously? You are the most beautiful woman in all of Zelandonia. Even your mother was not quite as beautiful as you are. You are really smart, but I am not a good judge of that. Everyone is smarter than me. You also love adventure, though as you said, it needs to have a purpose. Dura was reckless because she didn’t care about her life. You not only care about your own life, you care about everyone else’s. It doesn’t even matter that you have the highest status family in both the Zelandonii and Lanzadonii. You are singularly the most desirable woman there is.”  
“Is that really how you see me?”  
“That is how everyone sees you. If I thought I had a chance I would probably be just as persistent as Kinidar. Jelona is far better mate than I deserve already, it is enough to just know I can help you toward your humanitarian ends.”  
“Is that why I get so much more value in trading, because I am beautiful?”  
“Probably.”  
Jonayla thought about it for a while. “Good.” She said finally with a smile. “Thank you for your compliments Gandular, I just may share your furs at some future mother festival.”  
“Really?”  
“Not a chance. Jelona is a friend. I wouldn’t want to ruin you for her.”

Kinidar came running back into view about halfway through the afternoon.  
“I think I found the abandoned Clan cave. We can stay there for the night if you want.”  
“Lets stop before that and just visit it in the morning. Durc said it was about four days to the Lanzadonii caves from there?”  
“Yes. Two if we run like Echazar did.”  
“I think we can do it in three since the horse is carrying most of the load.” Gandular said.  
They reached the cave sooner than she expected, so they did stay just outside the cave for the night. There were some supplies that had been left behind, but not much worth carrying north. It was a very nice cave, and if a Clan did not claim it, there was a chance it could become another Lanzadonii cave. The southern Zelandonii would probably beat them to it though.   
“I have thought much about what you asked. I want a woman as uninhibited as Dura, as brave as Kotani, as beautiful as Latie and as wise as you.” Kinidar stated after they finished eating the evening meal.  
“I think Dura was a lot braver than Kotani.” Jonayla said after thinking about it.  
“Yes, too brave, to the point of recklessness. Kotani knows her limitations and rarely tries to go beyond them, and certainly never just for adventure.”  
“I’m not nearly as wise as my mother or Joplaya.”   
“A woman too wise would never want to be with me.”  
“And a woman as beautiful as me would never want to be with you either.”  
“Latie is much more beautiful than you are. I think you are maybe seventh most beautiful in the Lanzadonii.”  
“Oh really?” Jonayla asked, understanding his game.  
“Yeah, I really only offer myself to you because I worry that you won’t find anyone because of your flaws.”  
“Please Kinidar, tell me about my flaws.”  
“No, that would be mean. It is better you don’t know so they don’t occupy your mind. It’s not like you can change them anyway.”  
“Please Kinidar, tell me at least one of these flaws.”  
“The simple fact that you don’t think you have any flaws is a flaw.”  
“I know my flaws. I’m just wondering if you see the same flaws that I do.”  
“Probably not. Nobody sees themselves as others see them.”  
“Please… just tell me one.”  
“All right, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. You are much too tall. You are taller than every other Lanzadonii man except your father. What man wants his woman looking down at him?”  
“I agree. That is why I will not be mating a Lanzadonii man. Keep going until you tell me a flaw I don’t know about.”  
Kinidar named a few others that she brushed off like the first.  
“When you smile you have these holes in your cheeks. It looks really strange.” Jonayla reached up and felt her cheek, wondering what he meant.  
“Not when you fake smile, only when you real smile. That’s how I can tell when you are really happy or just pretending.” She turned Gandular for confirmation.  
“I never noticed.” He said, not wanting to be in the middle of it.  
“That’s because she only gives you fake smiles.”  
“You’re making that up.” Jonayla said.  
“If you want to believe that, there is nothing I can do about it, my flawed little friend.” He shook out his sleeping roll and climbed in after throwing some more wood on the fire. He smiled when he saw her still touching her cheek. “Don’t worry Jonayla, I still love you just the way you are.”  
After she got in her sleeping roll she looked up at the starry sky. “Tell me about the tall and striped horses again.” She still wasn’t sure if he was making them up, but she loved hearing his stories about the exotic animals he encountered on his journey. He had a quiet, soothing way of talking, and soon she was asleep dreaming of those strange animals.

“I’m worried about Jonayla. We never should have let her go there.” Jondalar said, nervously pacing and watching the path from the west.  
“Imagine your mother’s distress when you and your brother disappeared for three years.”  
“Its different, she’s just a girl.”  
“I was her age wandering alone for more than a moon, then lived alone for three years, no one to worry about me. She is lucky to have you, but your worry does her no good. Take Racer for a run if it will help you relax.” He nodded and headed out to the horse pasture.   
Latie was there brushing down Whinney, having already brushed the other horses. “Beautiful day for a ride.” She said to the gorgeous tall man, even though he was just starting to show the wrinkles of age.  
“I guess. Thank you for brushing Racer.”  
“It gives me something useful to do instead of worrying about Durc and all his Clan women.”  
“Why are you worried?”  
“Because I think he will choose them over me and I have a second child on the way.”  
“We will always provide for you and all your children.”  
“I know, you can’t provide everything.”  
“You are always welcome in our bed as well. We miss you.”  
“It was wonderful Jondalar, but it isn’t… love.” He was about to protest, but he knew he would never feel for her what he felt for Ayla. “Were you going for a ride?”  
“I was going to go look for Jonayla. It is pointless, but I just feel like I should do something.”  
“Mind if I ride with you?”  
“I would prefer it.” They took off at a fast sprint, Latie’s younger mare easily out running her heard stallion carrying a much heavier load. They slowed to an easy trot, both grinning with the exhilaration.  
“My life is nothing like I thought it would be.” Latie said with melancholy.  
“Mine is almost exactly what I hoped for, though in a completely different way. Did you hope to become headwoman? You never talk about it fondly.”  
“It was expected of me, but it was always Danug that was pushed to take over leadership. I wanted a simple hearth, preferably next to the horse hearth. I’m now an outsider to my people because of my mixed child. I am welcome here, but I am little more than a burden, no different than those Zelandonii women that just showed up last summer expecting to be taken care of.”  
“First of all, you are kin. Secondly, that horse does ten times the work of any man in the Lanzadonii including me. Taking care of our horses as well is a huge help to both Ayla and me. I have too many apprentices, and Ayla has too many acolytes and people that need her. We wouldn’t be able to do what we do without you. I’m sorry I did not make you feel loved. I do love you far more than any other woman, except Ayla and Jonayla of course. But you are right, you deserve far more affection than I could give you.”  
“Mut seems intent on keeping me from happiness, I can only hope there is a good reason.”  
“The Mother and her spirit world are the furthest from my ability to understand. I do think with great suffering comes great reward.”  
“I will settle for a much smaller reward if the suffering would stop soon. We should probably turn back since we didn’t bring sleeping rolls.”  
“You can head back, I think I am going to go talk some sense into Durc.” Jondalar said.  
“Good luck with that.”

“Your place is with Latie. They don’t need you here.” Jondalar said reasonably.  
“You are wrong. Clan women need a leader to guide them. They don’t have the memories to lead themselves.”  
“That’s a whole lot of mammoth dung. I know the medicine woman is running things here. Do you not want to be with her? That’s it, isn’t it. How could you want to be with that shrew Kotani and not be with Latie?”   
Durc sighed, and then felt compelled to tell Jondalar the truth. “Imagine my mother dies. You wish only to join her in spirit world, but you cannot for many, many years. You eventually get lonely. Would you choose to be with someone you don’t really care about? Or would you choose someone you could love almost as much as my mother, and then have to divide your affection for all time in the spirit world?”   
“You are a fool. Latie deserves better.”  
“She has you.”  
“Oh, I understand now. You like being miserable. You have every excuse to not be happy, and in turn make Latie happy. As I said, you are a fool. Do you think Ura will be pleased you treated Latie and your children that way? I thought you were a better man than that.” He turned and headed back down the hill in the setting sun. Racer could find his way home in the dark. Jondalar wondered if he handled that poorly. He wasn’t good with people like that. When he arrived at the horse shelter three other horses came out to meet them. It took him a minute to realize that Gray was there, so Jonayla was home. He sprinted down to the main cave.

“There are reasons to doubt him, but I would not worry about things for now. If they somehow find out the truth…”  
“Jonayla, you are safe.” Jondalar exclaimed picking her up and swinging her in a warm embrace. “I was so worried about you. I should have gone with you.”  
“We were fine father. There is no danger. The leader was not a Clan hater, and I have a feeling he knows that the young hunters were up to no good. As long as he doesn’t find out what really happened, we should be safe. That means the story does not go beyond this cave.”   
“I think the few of us who know will not spread the story, but all the Clan women know.”  
“I told Dorgan, the leader of the southern Clan we met, and he will tell the rest of the Clans. It is unlikely any of the Others will hear the story from them.” She smiled, enjoying the humor of her own statement. “Yunda is Dorgan’s sibling, and he wanted her to bring her children to his cave. He says the rest of the women should come to his cave as well, but I don’t think he can handle all of them, certainly not this late in the summer. I told him to expect them next spring.”  
“I don’t think they all will want to go.”  
“I’m sure Durc’s women will want to stay with him.” Latie said derisively.  
“It would be a very long trip, but we could possibly help them find homes among the other Clans and maybe hunt with them to increase their stores. I think that is better than a long journey north to people they do not know.”  
“If some want to stay here, we will continue to accommodate them. They made organizing winter stores a lot easier. It is amazing how strong they are, and how hard they work.”  
“And thanks to Durc there will be more mixed children that may be unacceptable to the Clan’s. Those women will be considered unlucky if they take ‘deformed’ children with them. Would they be willing to leave their children behind?”  
“Unlikely, and there aren’t enough nursing mother’s to take on even two extra children. These mixed children will be mostly Clan, and many women might have a problem with that.”  
“I think we should go tomorrow and talk with them about it. I think they should decide for themselves. I will take any that want to go now, but I still think next spring will be better for all.”

“We stay winter.” The medicine woman said, resolved in her decision. She had discussed it with all the women. Some wanted to go immediately, but they would do as she asked.   
“Why do you choose this?” Ayla asked, more curious than concerned.  
“Freedom is something I have never known. Abundance is something I have never known. Safety from Others is something I have never known. This cave is nicer than any I have ever lived in. I have much fear on the way here. I have no fear now. This has never happened, living without fear. We go back to that in Spring if we must, but for now I wish to be here.”  
“You are welcome to stay as long as you like. You are welcome to come back if what you find in other Clans not acceptable. It is good to have someone to discuss medicine with. I will miss you if you choose to leave. Do you need Durc to stay for winter?”  
“No.” She said enigmatically. Her posture said that she did not want him here.  
Ayla went back into the cave and found Durc telling stories to the children. She waited for him to finish and then signaled for him to talk with her. “They have chosen to stay.” He looked pleased with the decision. “You cannot stay.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because you don’t belong here. They are safe, secure, well provisioned, and no longer want you to dictate to them. You have started all your mixed children and they have no need for you until it comes time to birth and take care of them. If you start any more, they will not be born before it is time for them to travel. They will be deemed deformed and killed by the men of the Southern Clans. It will damage the women and make them have lower status. Have you thought about the mixed children that will be born before they leave? Will the mothers be forced to leave them behind? How do you intend to feed and care for them? I understand your goal, but I don’t believe you have thought it through.”  
“I have thought it through. Wherever they are, wherever they go, they will be the future of the Clan. If they die, so will the Clan.”


	4. Journey's End

Dura reached the crest of the mountain pass. The higher peaks were capped with snow, but that was far above this notch. To the east was endless expanse of darkened sea. To the west endless plains of arctic tundra. As she had suspected, the great ice wall loomed ahead. She could see where it met the great sea, crumbling into giant jagged pieces. She had truly reached the end of the earth. She could picture it all in her head. The only thing she did not know was how far to the east was her father. If this great sea was the same as the great sea to the west of Zelandonia, it may lay just over the horizon.  
Even if a boat were available to carry her, she would not board it. This was her one remaining fear. The land could be harsh, the occupants dangerous. The water hid its treachery and could change its form and swallow you whole. She ate a strip of dried meat and drank deeply from the water skin. This was the end of her journey. Durc had told her that mother would talk to her at the end. She waited for her to appear, but somehow knew it would not happen. It was decision time. Staying here was not an option. Hoshiman’s people were friendly, kind, and generous. But they saw her as less than human despite her ability to communicate. They suffered winter’s just as in her youth, and she had no desire to do that again with strangers. Following the ice sheet west would bring her to the Mamutoi in a short time, perhaps before the end of summer. If there were impassable mountains between here and there, she would have to come back here and return the way she came. That meant another winter with Hoshiman’s people.  
She could go back to her tropical beach and live out her days in blissful solitude. She loved solitude, but only when she was moving. She retraced her steps through all of the lands and none held any restful home in her mind. Even the distant memories of the Jamanar held no promise of a settled life. There was only one place she wanted to go and the fastest path back to it was through the land of the Mamutoi. There really was no decision to make. She began taking in the northern topography, looking for barriers and water sources. The only real danger was the cold. She knew the great ice wall was a perpetual source of water. There seemed to be small rivers flowing north out of the mountains. As long as those mountains did not meet that great ice wall, she would be home the following summer. She put away her food and slung her near empty water bag. She stood and looked one last time toward the south. Then she began her careful climb down toward the northern tundra.

“Kinidar will take me, he knows the way.”  
“It is not safe. It is…”  
“What?” Latie asked, her resigned words betraying her true feelings.  
“I don’t want you to leave.”  
“Then you should not have mated five other women.”  
“They are not mates.”  
“They have given you children and tend to all your needs. What else do you need from a mate? Certainly not conversation. I’m lucky if I get a grunt from you.”  
“You have other people to talk to. I have little to say. At Lion Camp you chose not to talk to me about important things. What is difference?”  
“You made it clear you were leaving.”  
“And you threaten to leave every time I give others any attention. What is difference?”  
“Perhaps none. Why would I stay if not to be with you?”  
“You stay so Durie and Danar grow up in a place where they are accepted.”  
“I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. You made me feel that once. Why can’t you give me that now?”  
“I spent most of the winter with you. I do what you ask of me. Because I have little to say does not mean I do not love you.”  
“No, having children with six other women says everything.”  
“Clan not survive. Others will kill them all eventually. The only way to keep Clan alive is with mixtures.”  
“No. Our children are mixed in looks, mixed in skills, but they are raised in the ways of the Others. No Clan ways will survive because they are not good ways. A culture that believes women to be less will never thrive. How many generations before our mixed children forget who they were, forget the ways of the Clan? It is the ways of a people that define who they are.”  
Durc was silent, the truth of what Latie had said began to penetrate. “What do you want me to do? Send them all away?”  
“Yes. They belong with their people. They will be nothing but servants here.”  
“That is what they will be in their caves.”  
“You were able to change your cave’s ways simply by being better. If your mixed children could do that for those caves, will that not help them survive?” Durc contemplated that. “You want them here, regardless what is best for them, best for the Clan. That is why I am leaving. You choose them because you think they are best for you. You think only of yourself.” Latie stood and carried the nursing baby out of the dwelling and walked toward the horses. Her mare was very full with her own child. It would not be long before there was yet another mouth to feed.  
“She is right Durc.” Ayla said matter of factly. They will have better lives here, but not by much.  
“They don’t want to go.”  
“That is not true. They are just willing to do what you tell them, and they know you don’t want them to go. As long as the children are named and accepted, they will not be harmed in these new Clans. They don’t look that different, not as different as you did. These Clan women need the strictness of Clan life to feel normal. The children may not enjoy the strictness, but they can make the choice to leave when they are adults.”  
“How?” Durc asked.  
“We will stay in contact with them, just as we do with the Northern Clans. These mixed children will be the future of both our people. If we lose sight of that, both of them will be doomed. We cannot let the monsters of intolerance take that future away from us.”  
“But you allowed those monsters to take over the Zelandonia when you came here.”  
“No, they are seen for what they are. Why do you think so many acolytes come here to be trained? Most know what is right. The old ways will only seem more oppressive the tighter they try to hold onto what is wrong.”  
“Are you going to cross the ice with us?” Durc asked.  
“I don’t think so. As much as I don’t want to be apart from Jondalar for such a long time, my place is here.”

“Greetings Jondalar of the Lanzadonii. Stories are still told of your visit here so many years ago. I was just a child then, and never quite believed them. Now that I see your horses, I am forced to believe them. The stories of your beautiful traveling companion were perhaps the only thing not exaggerated. Her beauty seems timeless.”  
“This is our daughter Jonayla. Her mother chose not to make the treacherous ice crossing this time.”  
“I see.” The young leader of the cave was quite taken with the young lady, happy to know she was not mated to the giant yellow haired man. “Greetings Jonayla of the Lanzadonii. I hope you intend to stay with us at least until the ice becomes passable next winter.”  
Jonayla was not in the least attracted to the skinny dark-haired man, but she blazed her smile knowing the power it had in negotiations. “We will stay for a brief time before continuing on to the east to trade with the Tsarmunai.”  
“Well, at least you will pass this way again on your way home.”  
“No, we will be taking the the northern route back through Zelandonia.” She corrected him.  
“That’s Flathead territory. Surely you know how dangerous that can be.”  
“Not dangerous at all. We trade with the Clans up there every year.”  
“Clans?”  
“Perhaps the stories of my last visit do not include the important information that those you call flatheads are just as much people as we are.” Jondalar said, watching his eyes carefully for their reaction.  
“Why would you think that? They are violent, murderous animals.”  
Jonayla gave her father a knowing look. “If a bear or lion killed one of your hunters, would you consider it murder?” He gave her a strange look. “Murder is something people do, not animals. You know what they are, don’t you?” She saw anger in his eyes, along with a small amount of shame. “Is there a place we can set up our shelters and allow our horses to graze in safety?”  
He led them to a small clearing to the west side of the cave. The simple fact he did not invite them to stay inside the cave said volumes about the change in tone of this visit. He invited them to share an evening meal, so Jonayla set about making a stew from the food they had collected in the days before their arrival. The conversation was tense despite the story telling and alcoholic beverages. Durc sat on the periphery, his language skills among these people non-existent.  
“Why do you move your hands so much?” The leader’s young wife finally asked in annoyance.  
“My brother does not understand your language, so I am translating for him.” The woman looked around at the the strangers looking for the yellow haired person that might be her brother. “He’s the one that most of you avoided greeting earlier. You see him as less than human, an ‘abomination’ is the word you generally choose to use.” Her eyes immediately went to Durc, then looked at Jonayla in horror.  
“You are translating for that… for…”  
“My brother. The people who you call flatheads, call themselves the Clan. My brother was raised in Brun’s Clan, as our mother was before him. The Clan talk mostly with their hands, because they cannot form the complex words that we can with their mouths. They form complex words with their whole body, hands, arms, shoulders, posture, head. My brother speaks Zelandonii and Mamutoi, but he does not wish to learn the language of people who murder his people.” Eyes went wide at the vile insult that was produced by this beautiful woman. Even Durc was surprised at her accusation. She was no diplomat.  
“How dare you say such things?” The leader said, standing up in outrage.  
“You deny the deliberate killing of entire flathead caves? Men, women, and even the children?”  
“They are dangerous predators.” One of the large hunters blurted out.  
“Clan babies are dangerous predators?” Jonayla snapped back, her anger barely contained.  
“When they grow up,” the hunter sputtered. The leader motioned for him to be silent.  
“Oh, you speak with your hands as well. One more thing you have in common with your neighbors to the north.”  
“There is no commonality with those dirty animals.” The leader’s wife spat.  
“I’m sorry you feel that way. They make clothing and tools and hunting weapons just like us. They cook their food, tell stories, and talk to the spirits, just like us. They even love their children, just like us.”  
“What a bunch of nonsense.” The leader said, still standing menacingly over the impassive young woman.  
“Would you be willing to come with us to meet with them, talk with them?” She saw many emotions go through his eyes as he thought about this proposal. She knew in seconds that it was hopeless when his murderous rage became one of cunning concealment.  
“Yes, I would like to ‘talk’ to these… people.”  
“I don’t think you do. I think you want us to lead you to them, so you can murder more of them.”  
“They murdered so many of…” he blurted out in his rage before stopping himself.  
“Please calm yourself.” Jondalar said, his displeasure with Jonayla’s incendiary words evident on his face. “I was once like you. I did not believe they were anything more than dirty animals. I know better now.”  
“Because you live with the filthy abominations.” The leader’s wife spat, glancing over at Durc.  
“Live with them, work with them, even love them like my own family. The Clan are children of the Great Earth Mother. They wish to live in peace and be left alone. The world is dangerous enough without stirring anger in each other to the point of killing. We can arrange a meeting, but it will be on neutral ground. We will not lead you to their caves. This was one of their caves until recently, wasn’t it?”  
He had no answer for Jondalar, revealing the truth just as plainly.  
Durc stood and moved to the front. “This was the cave of Dorn’s Clan.” Jonalya said, translating for the Zelandonii words and hand signs of Durc. "There were ten hunters and twenty women and children. You came here in the night and killed them as they slept. We know this because one girl was alone in the woods nearby. She was in isolation for her first bleeding. She became a woman, and you murdered her entire family and people of her cave. Hunter’s of another Clan found her wandering alone, starving and mumbling incoherently. It was moons before she could tell them what had happened, but they had already discovered you had moved into Dorn’s cave.”  
Durc stared at the leader with unfiltered malevolence.  
“Is this true?” His mate asked. “You said you found it empty except for a bear that you scared off.” She knew a little Zelandonii so she understood many of Durc’s words even without the translation. She had not believed the children of mixed spirits could talk until she witnessed it in fascination. When he did not answer her, she asked more insistently as she stood and pulled at his sleeve to force him to look at her. “Did you murder children?” Instantly she knew it was true and she shrank back in horror and ran from the cave.  
“Now you have her believing this fantasy that they are people. Leave here now and never return.”  
Jonayla stood, towering over the short man. “Or what? You will murder us as well?”  
“Your crimes are far greater than Cheruli’s ever were. What was his punishment?” Jondalar said, getting to his feet. “We are leaving in the morning. The Losadunai already know of your crimes, and they will deal with you. Do not further compound your crimes by venturing north. The Clans will not be as forgiving, nor will the Great Earth Mother.” The rest of the Lanzandonii travelers left the fire and filed out quietly. Jondalar followed them, never taking his eyes off the other men, who sat in a mixture of contemplation and shame.  
“That could have been done more subtly Jonayla. Were you trying to provoke violence?”  
“I’m sorry father. I just could not stand his smug sense of superiority. He actually thought he could entice me to his furs with his mate almost ready to deliver his child. He’s lucky I didn’t put a stone through his skull when we first greeted them.”  
“Message delivered. I will stand first watch tonight in case they try to do something.”  
“Wake me when you tire.” Durc said, crawling into his furs.  
In the morning they cooked a meal and were packing up their shelter when several women from the cave came forward, led by the leader’s mate.  
“We didn’t know. We will be leaving this cave as soon as we can gather our belongings. Tell the flat…, our neighbors to the north, we are sorry.” She rubbed her large belly and the tears fell onto her tunic.  
Jondalar nodded, motioning for Jonayla to hold her tongue. “Travel safely.” He returned to packing the travois and watched them leave out of the corner of his eye.  
“They won’t leave.” Jonayla said bitterly. “They won’t be punished. They won’t stop.”  
“You used to be so optimistic Jonayla. Perhaps traveling isn’t the best thing for your well being.”  
“This is certainly the last time visiting these people. Are we going to meet the people to the east?”  
“I have very bad memories from my time with the Tsarmunai. I’d rather not go, but I think you would like to see their earthen carvings. I think they would have a large trade value and they are relatively lightweight.”  
“I will go north and tell the Clans what has happened.” Durc said. “They will know to expect travelers with horses so you should not have any trouble.”  
Durc walked alone into the dense forest with his heavy pack. When the horses were loaded the rest of the group continued along the cold Mother river. Jondalar told stories of his first journey with his brother Thonalan. They had followed this same river so many years past.

Dura limped up the steep river incline. The cold water swimming across served to wash the wound and numb the pain, but she was worried about infection. The tumble she had taken earlier that morning was due to exhaustion. Without a source of fire wood, sleep on the open plains was rare. The nights were getting much shorter, throwing off her sense of how long she had slept. She had climbed a thousand rocky hills just like that one as deftly as any mountain animal. One bad step sent her falling awkwardly onto a jagged outcrop. Nothing was broken as far as she could tell. But she could no longer run. She found among the driftwood a suitable walking stick. She contemplated following the river south, hoping to find people that could help her survive. Instead she built a fire with all the wood she could gather, tended to her wounds, and slept. She woke from the pain often enough to feed the fire. Her leg turned a deep violet, but the wound did not fester. She kept it clean and covered and wondered just how far she had to go.  
It was easy to judge how far north or south she was simply by the angle of the sun. She had no way of knowing how far east she had traveled. So, she had no idea how far west would take her back to the Mamutoi. From there at least she would have a sense of how far she would have to go to her real home.  
She was looking west as the sun rose behind her, wondering if she should begin walking or stay here until she was well enough to run again. She once again felt rested and ready, but there was nothing but empty plains on the horizon. The grass was still low, but high enough to hide all manner of dangers. As if by silent summoning a head appeared out of the grass. The enormous lion stood and shook its shaggy mane. It was a small animal in the far distance, but Dura knew the shape and just how big it was. She tossed a few more sticks on the fire and contemplated crossing back to the other side of the river.  
It looked around lazily, then began walking toward her fire. She readied her spear thrower, knowing she was unlikely to injure it mortally before it would cover the distance to her in a sprint. The river would not be much of an obstacle. But it would slow the animal enough for multiple spears to do the necessary damage. If the lion was not alone, she was dead. It continued its slow meandering walk toward her, perhaps not seeing her. As it grew near she saw that it was even larger than her estimation. It was also much older. It stopped as she stood and held the spear ready. It looked at her as if just noticing the rare shape of a human. It stared for a long time, then let out a rasping rumble of a roar. Then it circled around the other side of the fire and drank from the river. It looked as if it was contemplating crossing the river. Instead it turned back and laid down next to the fire. The lion watched Dura with only passing interest as it licked its paws and legs. She saw it had many scars, some old, some probably recent. There was a very distinctive one on its nose. It finally put its head to the ground and closed its eyes. A lion unafraid of either humans or fire. It obviously wasn’t hungry enough to eat her, even though it seemed quite thin.  
She packed up her belongings, knowing she would not be able to rest any longer with her new visitor nearby. She began walking, stick in one hand, spear thrower in the other. She looked back often, making sure she was not being pursued.  
The pain in her leg was mostly gone. She would be able to run for a very short time if she needed to, not that she would be able to escape any animal that would chase her. She stopped at a small stream when the sun was high and filled her water bag and ate a small amount of food. By late afternoon she saw a very distant mountain range peak over the horizon. At nightfall she sat in exhaustion, feeling like she had not gone very far at all. There was no wood for a fire, only starlight for company. She lay on her back looking up and wondering if the mountains would put an end to her journey west, or if they were the mountains that led her and Durc to the Mamutoi. She was almost asleep when she heard the distant distinctive roar of the lion. She imagined him waking to find his dinner gone. The almost full moon rose in the east. She knew she could not sleep, so she packed up her sleeping roll and began carefully walking in the moonlight.  
When the sun rose enough that Dura could see the ground, she attempted running. It hurt, but she could maintain a slow pace that at least doubled her walking speed. When she crossed another small river, she sat on the bank and allowed her sore leg to go numb in the cold water. She lay back and rested her body, falling asleep in the warm sun.  
A growl woke her. It was the lion on the other side of the river. It looked at her with hunger. She slowly stood and began backing away. It stepped carefully into the river, making sure it was not too deep to cross. She reached for a spear and put it in the spear thrower. She cast it when the lion reached mid stream, catching the animal in the neck. It leapt out of the water toward her in both reaction to the pain as well as the realization that the river would not get any deeper. She fumbled getting the next spear out of the holder and realizing there was not enough time she simply raised her hands in the futile Clan gesture of ‘stop’, and waited for the impact, the crushing jaws, and the end of her journey. Her final thoughts went to Kinidar.  
When no impact came, she opened her eyes, expecting the lion to have died from her spear at the last possible moment. Instead it stood frozen, looking at her with an almost wistful gratitude. It moved forward slowly and rubbed its big head against her side and then laid down to die at her feet. She ran her hands through the graying yellow mane. Her adrenaline told her to finish the animal off and run. Instead, she continued to rub the giant head, which turned subtly in guiding her hand to where it wished to be scratched.  
When the animal stopped breathing she retrieved her spear, and then cut away one of the well worn claws. She resumed her nap, lying against the warm animal. She woke as carrion birds began to gather. The clouds over the mountains to the west had moved over head but did not threaten rain. She resumed her run in the gray afternoon, only once looking back at the lion who was returning to the Great Earth Mother.  
The next morning she woke to clear skies and a large looming mountain range. It did not extend north to the great ice sheet and block her way as she had feared. Of the thousands of mountains she had seen, something seemed familiar about these. When she saw the low earth lodge by the river she knew she was among the people of the Mamutoi.  
The camp was empty except for a small statue in front of the door. She entered carefully, holding back the door flap to see if any animals had moved in. There was tinder and wood at the cooking hearth so she started a fire with her firestone and slowly relaxed in the warm comfort. This was not the familiar Lion Camp, but similar enough that she knew where to find food and furs for the sleeping platform.  
She stayed two days and left the cooking hearth with another ready to be ignited fire. She did not know where the summer meeting would be, and did not really care about finding the people. It was only if she needed a place to winter that she would have wanted to connect with them. Instead she resumed her run along the ice sheet, knowing she could easily make it to Guban’s Clan before winter. She knew she would not want to winter there, but maybe the pass to Zelandonia might still be open. It was worth the risk and she set a faster pace in that new hope. In the distance to the south she saw a large heard of Mammoth heading south. She had never seen more than a few together at one time. They stayed in sight for the rest of the day but she did not deviate from her path to follow them.  
The next day Dura saw smoke in the distance and wondered if the summer meeting could be this far north. Instead she found a hunting camp. She approached them slowly and looked for any familiar faces.  
“Greetings mammoth hunters” Dura said loudly from a distance, hold her hands out, palms up to the wary men with spears. She did not recognize any of them, but they did relax when they heard their language.  
“Dura? Is that you? I am Hartal of the Lion camp. I was only a small boy when you stayed with us.”  
“Greetings Hartal of the Lion Camp. Have you had any luck with the hunt?”  
“Not yet. There are scouts out looking, but we have not found any mammoths yet.”  
“She turned slightly and pointed southeast. There was an enormous herd heading south. I saw them yesterday.” Immediately spears were lowered and all rushed forward to hear the news of the mammoth. They fed her well and she ran with the scouts to where she thought they would be. They found the tracks, which was enough for the camp to pack up the next morning and move.  
She stayed with them that evening, absorbing her wild stories of travel and begged her to stay with them for the winter. She was tempted, especially after sharing the warm furs of Hartal. She said her farewell in the morning and resumed her run. She thought over all the reasons to stay, but the only one that would have done it was if Latie had returned. Danug was saddened by her departure, but was comforted that she was with Ayla’s people. Her third trip across these desolate plains between the Mamutoi and the Northern Clans was hauntingly familiar. The nights only lasted a few hours and she only rested when absolutely necessary. In less than a moon she was kneeling before Guban waiting for the tap on the shoulder.  
“This old man is surprised to see you, woman who hunts.”  
“This woman is happy to be with familiar faces. Is the pass to the west still open?”  
“It should be. The man of your hearth went that way half a moon past. He would have returned if it was blocked.”  
“Durc lives.” She said in tearful wonder.  
“Yes. Do you wish to stay with us and rest or continue running to catch up to him?”  
“If the leader allows me, I would stay the night to rest and eat.”  
“This man is no longer leader, but you are welcome to stay in my hearth for tonight or as long as you choose to stay.” She stayed with him that night, and he took her form of need relief as just another strangeness in the world of the woman who hunts. He walked with her down the familiar trail toward the mountain pass.  
She hugged him fondly and smiled. The embrace was an unfamiliar one, but he welcomed it. “I will see you in the spirit world some day Guban.”  
“I hope that is so, Dura. Walk with Ursus, woman on top.” He watched as she ran off, her pack and spears bobbing as she ran.  
The horses’ hoof prints became easier to see as she gained on the traveling Lanzadonni. She had not caught up to them before she crossed the trail to the nineteenth cave. She went to see if Kinidar was living there. She only found his ailing mother. She hunted and cooked her a few rabbits.  
“You were always such a good provider Dura. I wish that son of mine had mated you and settled down here. I would have preferred to spend my days with your children for company.”  
“I would have never settled down back then. I might be ready now. Is Kinidar… mated?”  
“Not that I know of, but I am lucky if I ever see him anymore since he moved to the Lanzadonnii.”  
“That will change if we mate, rest assured.”  
“I doubt I will survive to see grandchildren now. You are a strange girl Dura, but you are welcome in my family. Go knock some sense into that pig headed boy of mine.”  
Dura resumed her run and quickly picked up their trail. They had stopped briefly at the summer meeting. Folara refused to let Dura leave without hearing stories from her travels and filling her with delicious rich foods. Dura finally escaped the next morning promising to return and tell about the rest of her travels.  
That night she reached their camp. Only Jondalar was awake. He was startled when she appeared out of the darkness. He had slept for a few hours, but woke after a strange dream. He hugged her strongly once he recognized who she was. She motioned that she did not want him to wake anyone because she was exhausted herself. He gave her his place to sleep and she gratefully climbed into the soft furs and fell asleep.  
When she woke, all were staring at her with big smiles.  
“Good morning daughter.” Durc motioned. “You still walk this world.”  
“As do you.” He grunted. Dura was surprised with how little everyone had changed. She also was disappointed that Kinidar was not there. Her impulse was to say goodbye and continue her run until she was in his arms.  
“Are you through with your journey?” He motioned hopefully.  
“Maybe.” Ayla finally stepped forward and pulled her from Jondalar’s sleeping furs. She lifted her and hugged her tightly.  
“Welcome home.” She said, then whispered in Mamutoi a question in her granddaughter’s ear. “Who’s the father?”  
Dura looked at her strangely, not understanding the question. With all the languages rattling around her head, she wasn’t sure if she heard the words correctly.  
She sought the Zelandonii words to reply. “Father?”  
“Yes, my daughter?” Durc said stepping forward to embrace her, thinking she was calling out to him.  
“We’ll talk later.” Ayla said pushing her into Durc’s arms.  
“I missed you so much. Please tell me you are staying for the winter.”  
“I am staying.” She said, still trying to understand Ayla’s words. “Where is Kinidar?”  
“He is with Jonayla at the western sea.” Jondalar offered, handing her a cup of morning tea.  
“Are they mated?” The group burst out laughing, leaving her confused.  
“If he were the last man on earth, she would never mate him.” Said one of the strangers in the group.  
“Neither have mated yet.” Ayla answered. “Jonayla has not found anyone willing to mate a trade master, and I think Kinidar has not found anyone quite as interesting as you.” She saw the relief in the girl’s eyes and suspected why she had come home. “They should be on their way home in a few days, but I suspect you remember the way if you want to go find them.”  
Durc saw the impatience in her eyes. His first reaction was disappointment, not really liking the boy that shared her furs from the beginning of her young womanhood. He envisioned the two running off on another adventure. She decided to stay and be patient as thoughts drifted back to what Ayla had said. They began asking her about her adventures. She knew these stories would be repeated again and again for larger groups so she just gave the high level overview of the travel. Jondalar asked many questions about the Sharamudoi and Tholie. She didn’t share the details of her time with Darvalo, knowing that he probably would prefer that kept private. He was disappointed that she had not stayed longer and gotten more details.  
She continued talking as they packed up the camp and began the trek toward the Lanzadonia. Ayla asked about the fresh scar on her leg as the column of people narrowed going into a narrow trail into the mountains.  
“I got careless and fell. I had not been sleeping well. I really thought I was going to die.” She was silent for a while, and Ayla waited for her to continue. “I knew my Journey was over. There was nothing left to see. I almost wanted to…”  
“You wanted to walk the spirit world?” Dura nodded. “I’m glad you didn’t.”  
“I got to the river and washed up the wound. I was so tired and in so much pain. I just laid back and asked the Mother to take me. When she didn’t, and I healed, I thought maybe I had more to see. Then I began picturing my travels, like a bird would see them. I could not see any place that I had not been yet. I tried to decide where I would like to go if I couldn’t run anymore. There was only one place that truly made me feel happy.”  
“Certainly not the Lanzadonii. You barely spent any time there.”  
“Not so much where, as who. Do you think he will want me?”  
“Kinidar will do anything you ask, you know that.”  
“But will he… want me.”  
“He may be jealous, but he will get past that quickly.”  
“Jealous? Of who?”  
“The father of your child. You stopped taking the morning tea.”  
“There was no need after I left Hoshiman’s people. You think I am pregnant?”  
“You have bled in the last two moons?”  
She thought about it. “Not since just before the lion. I thought maybe he smelled it on me.”  
“Lion?”  
“Yes. Right when I decided I was going to come back here, an enormous cave lion emerged from the grass and just walked right up to me and drank from the river. The fire made no difference to it. He was very old and full of scars. I think he had lost his pride, and was just as ready to walk the next world as I had been just a few days before. When he laid down next to the fire and fell asleep I ran off. He caught up to me a few days later so I put a spear through him. It didn’t kill him immediately but instead of attacking, he rubbed against me and died in my arms.”  
“You said he had scars. Did he have an old scar on his nose like this?” Ayla traced an angled line on her face.”  
“How did you know?”  
“That was Baby.” She said, tearing up.  
“The lion you rode on the back of?“ Ayla nodded. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have killed him. I should have known he meant me no harm.” Dura removed her amulet and opened it, producing a claw. She handed it to Ayla.  
“He had an extraordinarily long life and he didn’t die alone. I think he was grateful for what you did.” She wiped away her tears. “You haven’t shared pleasures since the last time you bled?”  
“Just twice. Once with Hartal of Lion Camp, and once with…” she trailed off.  
“You don’t have to tell me who. Wow, Hartal is all grown up now. I cannot picture it. He was just a tiny baby when I left the Mamutoi.”  
“He is a very handsome version of Frebec. The other was Guban. I don’t want a child of his spirit.”  
“Guban would have only been half a moon or less ago?” Dura nodded in worry. “You are at least two moons, so Hartal must be the father. Do you want to keep it? I can make a drink to expel it if you wish.”  
Dura spent a long silence thinking about it. “Mother told Durc she would talk to me at the end of my Journey. Something tells me this is her message to me. It is time to settle down and have children. Kinidar’s mother told me she would like to see the grandchildren I produced. I wonder if she saw the same thing you did. Her health is not good. She is not well cared for at the nineteenth cave. Is there a place for her at the Lanzadonii?”  
“I’m sure Joplaya will welcome her if you are staying.”  
“I think she would benefit from your care as well. I need to talk to Kinidar.”  
“I think you do.”  
Dura ran forward to talk to Durc.  
“I am leaving father.” He looked crest fallen and a little angry. “Not for long. Is there a dwelling that I can move my family into?”  
“Family?”  
“Ayla tells me I am pregnant. I am going to ask Kinidar to be my mate. His mother will join us.”  
“There is room with us at Dura’s cave.” He was thrilled that she might stay.  
“Us? No way I am living with Kotani.”  
“Much has happened Dura. It is a long story. There is also a dwelling I built if you wish to be close to the others. It is large enough for the three of you.”  
“Who is ‘us’ father?”  
“Latie and our two children.”  
“And?”  
“Two clan women and their children.”  
“Clan women?”  
“It is a long story. And a Clan boy that we saved from a pair of hungry wolves.”  
“Sounds crowded. I think we will take the dwelling. I am going to find Kinidar now.” She hugged him tightly. “I love you father.”  
“I love you Dura. Be careful.” She ran back down the hill and he watched her until she was just a speck on the horizon.

When Dura saw the gray horse in the distance with the two tiny figures walking beside it she increased her speed. Kinidar recognized her by the way she ran and he dropped his heavy pack and ran out to meet her. Jonayla added the pack to the travois and caught up to them. Words had not been necessary. The embrace told each other everything they needed to know.  
“Welcome back.” Jonayla said, pushing Kinidar aside and hugging the daughter of her brother. “I hope you have better stories than this guy. If I have to listen to him drone on about those striped horses one more time, I swear I will kill him.”  
“You said you liked to hear about them.”  
“When I need something to bore me to sleep. Are you just visiting again?”  
“That depends on whether Kinidar is interested in settling down.”  
“I will journey to the ends of the world with you.”  
“Been there, done that. It was not the same without you.”  
“Then I will go with you this time.”  
“How about a different kind of journey this time?” Dura asked.  
“Anything. Anywhere. As long as I am with you.”  
“First stop, the nineteenth cave.”  
“I can’t stand listening to her berate me for not having mated. Please don’t make me go there.”  
“We are going there to tell her that we will be mated.” His eyes went wide. “Then we are going to help her pack and we are going to take her with us to our home in the Lanzadonii.”  
“Mated? Our home? Living with my mother? What kind of journey is that?”  
“Parenthood. I think I want five children in all. Mostly boys, but hopefully at least one daughter.”  
He thought about it and then picked her up and swung her around. He put his heavy pack back on and they resumed their walk toward the summer meeting. They dropped off some of their trade goods and made room for his mother’s meager belongings. She was scared at first to ride on the back of the horse, but soon she was enjoying it. Dura kept their minds off the long road with her enthusiastic retelling of adventures and narrow escapes from death. They stopped at Dura’s cave for the night and Dura heard the whole story of how these three Clan people became members of the Lanzadonii. She was a little disturbed by the mostly Clan brother and sister, confused as to why her father would intentionally impregnate them when he had the beautiful Latie by his side. The Clan boy was old to not have made his first kill. Dura realized how this cave full of mostly Clan people was far from Clan like.

Dura asked Latie to help her set up her new home and prepare for her matrimonial. She wanted to know how Latie put up with such a strange living arrangement and needed to get her alone to ask. Dura ran alongside the woman on the white horse and dug into her true feelings.  
“I really don’t care. I am happy to have him in my life, whatever the cost.”  
“Danug misses you, but I think he knows you made the right decision. I am not so sure. Durc and I will have words about how he is treating you.”  
“This is quite a change for you. Running around the world and then all of a sudden settling down. Why?”  
“Nothing left to see. The thing I found most common among all the people I met was the drive to create things. I create nothing with my running. I have no artistic talents. About all I can create is children. They may be ugly children like me, but they will have a better future than I ever should have had. The thing that bothers me most is that my mother never came to me. She told Durc all about what he had to do to travel. First to see you, then to see his mother. I ran the world and she never once told me what to do.”  
“Maybe she knew you didn’t need help.”  
“But I did. So many times.”  
“Durc said she came to him when he was near death. Were you ever near death?”  
“I was in danger many times, but no, not near death. Maybe once.”  
“Would you prefer she let the danger so close that you nearly died, or kept you safe?”  
“Maybe it was the Mother that kept me safe. Or the spirit of the cave bear.”  
“No, it was her. She came to me when I had my last child. I bled too much and almost died. She begged me to stay with Durc and help him because you would need him here. I knew you were coming back. She didn’t tell me why you would need him, but I believed her. I don’t care about the other women. I don’t really care about him that much anymore. Your child is Mamutoi, isn’t it?”  
“Hartal.”  
“Frebec would kill him if he knew his son had shared furs with an animal and gave her a child.”  
“I didn’t really give him a choice. For most men, I am not too ugly in the darkness. Not many find me acceptable in the light of day.”  
“I should probably tell you I have been with Kinidar many times. You taught him well.”  
“You kept him warm for me. Perhaps he would have mated by now if you hadn’t.”  
“He wanted no one except you. I don’t think he ever doubted you would be back. There were a few women that wanted to mate him, but they didn’t like him traveling with Jonayla. He wouldn’t give it up even though Jonayla was not the kind of traveling companion he wanted. She would share pleasures with almost anyone except him. I think she knew you were coming home as well.”  
“Everyone knew but me.”  
When they arrived Latie took her up to the small dwelling she had lived in briefly. It was smaller than Dura had hoped, but perhaps Kinidar’s mother would only be with them a few years. She went to the mammoth hearth to discuss the matrimonial with Ayla. Joplaya was there, so they discussed Kinidar’s mother.  
“She has no interest in becoming Lanzadonii. She only wants to live long enough to see and help care for her grandchildren.” Dura told them. “I will provide for them.”  
“Kinidar has already done more than enough for this community, but your help will be welcomed. We will of course welcome you to become Lanzadonii if you so desire.”  
“I think I would. I have been welcomed in many places, but this is the only place I ever felt I belonged. Not just because I am mixed. I’m not treated as lowest status. Most places that is important, but not here. I hope that doesn’t change.”  
“We are all low status here.” Joplaya said with a smile. “So that makes us all high status.”  
“Even the Clan women?”  
“They do the work of five. I wish more had stayed. Enough about the people. Let’s talk about the matrimonial.” Joplaya was still bothered by the shadow that was cast over her own matrimonial. She wanted everything to be perfect for Dura’s, hoping it might help erase the bad memory once and for all.


	5. Reconciliation

Dura had a warm fire and a privacy partition set up before Kinidar arrived with his mother. They helped her settle in and many of the people came to welcome her. She was tired from the travel, but thrilled to have so many people visit. She had been alone so many years surrounded by the people of the nineteenth cave. Every day people would come by to visit and invite her to join them in their crafts and child care. Ayla began giving her a special blend of tea that helped her many infirmities and soon she was gaining weight and feeling alive again. She stood proudly as her son tied the knot with the strange girl that she had grown to love and respect. Her life was better here than it had been most of her life in the Zelandonii.  
“Does it bother you that it isn’t yours?” Dura asked as Kinindar rubbed her swollen belly.  
“It might if it was someone I knew and he was here. If it was someone you loved and wished you were with. Even if it was a stranger you wanted to see again. I trust that you came back to be with me. I asked the mother for it every single day since you left. Any child you have will be mine and I will love and care for it and you until my dying day.”  
“You are a good man. I’m glad you did not go with me to the end of the world. You would not have survived. You would have died protecting me from my own recklessness. Then I would have been alone with no hope of finding someone to love me. I thought about going back to the Jamanar tribe. I always planned to do that. But all they really offered was pleasure. They never offered me love, true love. Only you have done that for me. I will try to do that for you.”  
“I think I could have stayed there too, but only with you. They were so generous. I have tried to be that way here. It is not as easy because life is much more difficult here.”

As winter fell on the small community, life indoors became more isolated. Latie was less than content during this first winter in Dura’s cave. She felt like an outsider, and even though her children kept her busy, she was not happy with her life. She didn’t even have her horses nearby since they were safer up in the corral with the others. Jonayla and others cared for them. Durc did his best to give her the attention she desired, but nothing seemed to help. When a break in the weather came past mid winter, she packed up the children and began the long walk up to the mammoth hearth.  
“Of course you can stay here. You are welcome to join us in our hearth if you don’t want to be alone.” Ayla said, knowing her depression would only be exaggerated in a lonely bed.  
“Thank you Ayla. I might join you sometime for my own selfish needs. For now, I just need to think about what I need to do with my life. Can you keep an eye on the children while I visit the horses?”  
“Of course. You missed them a lot.”  
“Much more than I thought I would. I hope they remember me.”  
“Whinnie left and lived with her kind for almost a year, but she still remembered me. They do not forget those they love.” Ayla took the sleeping grandson from Latie’s arms and helped her put on the heavy winter wrap.  
It was dark outside by the time Latie came in from the cold. Ayla could tell she had been crying. She handed her the hungry baby and then held her as she nursed. Ayla did not give her the choice. She pulled her to their bed platform and Latie slept between her and Jondalar. There were no pleasures, just comfort and love. The next afternoon Ayla was tending to the few people with simple winter ailments. Latie taught her older daughter how to punch the animal hides and lace sinew through them to form new clothing. When Ayla finished she came over and sat with them.  
“I lost another one.” Ayla said matter-of-factly.  
“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Latie said, knowing the pain of such a loss.  
“Would you be willing to have his child?”  
“Jondalar?” Latie asked in surprise.  
“I know he wants another, wishes he had a son that looks like him. Most of the women here would be willing to give him that. I think you would not try to take him away from me.”   
“Nobody could take him away from you. I don’t know if I can. Are you sure it is what you would want?”  
“I don’t know. I was just wondered if you would be willing.”  
“I would give you anything Ayla.”  
“Can we just try for a few moons? We’ll let the Mother decide if it is what she wants.”  
“He never… leaves his essence in me.”  
“He will if he knows why he is doing it. He believes I am losing these babies because of something that is wrong with him. It is hurting him inside. I need him to know it is not him.”  
“I always wondered what a child of his spirit and mine would look like.”

Kinidar carried Dura down the hill in the deep snow as she clenched in the pain of another contraction. He pushed inside the warm cave and laid her carefully on an empty bed platform. He held her hand as Ayla began her examination. She reached inside and felt the baby’s head.  
“Not long now. Can you stand?” Dura nodded and Kinidar helped her up. “Hold her from behind and help her squat down. He did so as she grunted with another contraction. Ayla spread out a birthing blanket and knelt in front of her. “Push now Dura.” The strong young woman did as asked, and the baby’s head popped through into Ayla’s waiting hands. Kinidar sat back, holding his mate tenderly in his arms. The crying newborn squirmed on Dura’s warm chest as Ayla delivered the afterbirth. “Everything looks good Dura. Have you chosen a name for your daughter?”   
“Milizandrayla.”   
“Where did you get a name like that?” Ayla asked, having a strong emotional reaction to it.  
“My mother gave it to me in a dream. She said it was from your mother.”  
“Isa?”  
“I don’t think so. She said this would be my only daughter so I should treasure my time with her.”

“What is it you want father?” Dura had brought her baby out to Dura’s cave to visit when Durc did not come to see her. Latie had brought the news of the birth once winter broke, but he did no more than grunt at her. He just stared impassively at his daughter. “Is it leadership you miss? Do you wish you still lead our Clan?”  
“I wish only to be with Ura. Until then I make Clan survive as best I can.”  
“The Clan is dead. You should take these people to their Clan in the south and help your family survive.”  
“You have no need for me.”  
“No need. We all want. Especially Latie.”  
“She is with child, not mine.”  
“She has already given you two beautiful children. They miss you. You should be with them.” He just grunted and went to put more wood on the fire. “You didn’t want me to leave. You wanted me to stay. Now I am here and you ignore me and my new child. I’m asking you again, what is it you really want?”  
“I want the world to stop hating us.”  
“You think that will happen in a single lifetime? It may never happen completely, but the world has changed significantly. The more we show them who we are, the more we help them understand, the better it will be. Your idea of mixing is the right one, but you mixing with these women only produces slight mixes. They won’t be able to talk or throw spears. Look at my daughter. She will be beautiful, and Others will make more babies with her. The Clan will live in her children, not these. Give them back the life they will be most comfortable with.”  
He knew she was right. Still he looked at his simple Clan existence. His compliant, hard working women. The boy that worshiped him. The children. The Clan children that would, at best, be weakest in the Clan, or the least welcome among the Others. He suffered in the absence of Ura’s counsel, Dura’s counsel. She had tried to talk to him last year, but he thought this winter would be even better without the majority of women there. Kara quickly moved back to his hearth when Latie left. She knew exactly what he wanted and demanded nothing from him. It was a simple life. She had been adamant about not going back. The other one did not care. They loved their children, and they did not miss the beatings. But they had little purpose in this lonely cave.  
“I wish you had stayed and helped me be better.”  
“If I had stayed, Latie would not be here. You said you loved her this much.” She held up a hand, fingers extended. “Has that changed?”  
“No. The more I love her, the more guilty I feel. I look for reasons not to love her, but I do. What will your mother say?”  
“She would be angry that you think of strangers before the mother of your children. She would be angry that you choose not to be in your children’s lives. Not mine, not Dura’s, not Rune’s, not Kurc’s, not even my little girl. She will say you were capable of giving love and comfort to a woman in great pain, but you chose to relieve your needs with this… animal.” Dura gestured toward the subservient woman sitting quietly and nursing her child on the other side of the hearth.   
Durc’s eyes flared in anger at the insult. He realized she was just saying it to provoke him. He held his anger, and it faded to sadness. “I made a mistake.” He said finally.  
“The same one you made with Kotani. You don’t have to mate women that are incapable of loving you. I understand you feel obligated, but that should only be to the children. Latie deserves more than that because she does love you. I saw the other end of the world and I knew it had all been for nothing. I could have been here making children with Kinidar. Children that will carry our Clan into the future. That is what you should be doing with Latie.”  
“She has someone else now.”  
“No, she doesn’t. She came here for you. She waits up the hill for you. Don’t make her share you anymore. Either make a man of this boy and let him take over, or take them south. There is no other option if you truly love your family. I need to leave now or I will not make it back before dark. Will you walk with me?” Durc grunted and then began putting on his heavy fur wraps. He motioned to the women and boy that he would return the following day.

“It is a gift from the Mother for Jondalar.” Latie said. “Your mother keeps losing her pregnancies and she asked if I would carry one for her in hopes that he could have a son to raise. Besides, you have no business talking about having children with other partners.” Durc had known about his mother’s miscarriages, and the request was not unreasonable. It still made him jealous. He never really understood her jealousy toward the Clan women and their children. Now he started to feel a little of what he had put her through.  
“I made a mistake. I am not smart without the women I love advising me. I wish I had listened to you more. I will try to undo my mistakes before the summer meeting. If I can do this, will you tie the knot with me and be my mate?”  
“Your words have little value now. Ask me that question after you have done these things and after you have shown me you can be a good father to all your children.”  
Durc grunted, then turned away. He walked a few steps down the hill. He stopped and turned, then walked back to her. “I am sorry.”

“How long will you be gone?” Dura asked Kinidar.  
“Probably less than a moon. Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”  
“Traveling to a place I have already been for an actual purpose is not the kind of journey that I like. Besides, I can’t run comfortably with a baby on my hip. Be safe and come home to me soon.” She kissed him and watched the small group walk down the hill toward Zelandonia.  
“You made quite a man of him.” Kinidar’s mother said, bouncing the baby on her lap. “I am so glad you have brought him back into my life. I honestly thought he could do better when I first met you. I know we are low status, but I still thought he could find someone more… normal. I could tell he was smitten with you, and I tried to convince him to stop spending time with you. I thought your children would be ugly, and outcasts, and our status would be even lower. You knew I didn’t like you, yet you always treated me with respect, brought me gifts, took the time to talk with me. You were a better person than perhaps any I have met in Zelandonia. When you left him with me broken-hearted, I thought he would finally settle down with someone better. I even tried to find young women for him. As I talked to them and I compared them to you, even I could see how much less they were.   
“Just before you came home I had heard he had passed through the summer meeting and had not come to visit me. I know I drove him away with my constant pushing to find a mate. Women my age all had grandchildren and I had only him and rarely saw him. I tried not to be bitter, but I was. Then you appeared and treated me like a daughter should. That is when I realized that, from the start, you treated me like family. I treated you like an abomination and a nuisance and a problem. You never wavered from how you treated me. And now my life is so much better, both in health and in status. In my tiny dwelling at the nineteenth cave, I wished for someone I could look down on, someone lower status. I did that to you. Not once since you brought me here have I felt that urge. Not once have I felt anyone looking down on me. Even the leader has treated me like an equal. What a waste of time status is. What I am trying to say Dura, in my long and rambling way, is that I love you.”  
“I know. When I used to visit, I saw the feelings you had. I saw them in everyone’s eyes. I was an ugly girl even in the Clan. But eventually I saw in your eyes respect. That was far more valuable to me than any superficial acceptance. Kinidar was a gift from the Mother. He never saw the ugly girl that everyone else saw. I’m not sure why, but it had to be something you did to make him that way. How could I be anything but grateful to you for that gift?”  
“Kinidar did not tell me much about his journey with you. I think maybe he did not want me to know about the dangers he was in. He came back from it so much different, yet exactly the same. Could you tell me about what you two went through?”  
She was shocked at how many times they truly cheated death. Dura spent many days recounting their entire journey. Many joined them in the mammoth hearth to hear the tales that few had heard. Kinidar had only shared most of them with Jonayla, and she had not repeated them since they were not her stories to tell. Latie had heard most of them when they were fresh, when she accompanied Dura and Kinidar back to Zelandonia. She prompted Dura to tell stories that even she had forgotten.

Kinidar came running up the path and ignored the people waiting for news of the trade mission. He found Dura and lifted her in an embrace and swung her around. “My traveling days are over. I cannot bear being without you for so long.”  
“I missed you too. Did you bring me any gifts from far off lands?”  
“No, but it appears Jonayla has finally found someone to settle down with.”  
“Its about time. Lanzadoni will be happy to hear that news. Is she far behind you?”  
“She wanted to stop at the Zelandonii summer meeting for a few days and I just could not wait to get back here. Has your father returned from the south?”  
“Not yet, but he cannot run like you do.” Kinidar grimaced with concern. “What is it?”  
“There was news of trouble between the Clan and the southern Zelandonii. Apparently the winter was extremely harsh down there and too few spring animals to hunt. The man claimed that the Clan attacked a Zelandonii cave, but I doubt that was the true story. Hopefully it is far from where your father traveled to.  
Jonayla returned a half moon later with a large group of Zelandonii, all wishing to attend her matrimonial. When Latie saw the object of her affection, she recognized him instantly.  
“Cordran? Is that really you?”  
“Latie! Your brother sends his warmest greetings.”  
“What are you doing here?” She said, hugging the big red haired boy tightly.  
“Danug’s stories of the beautiful women of Zelandonia finally convinced me to make a Journey of my own. After Dura told us of the shorter path along the great ice wall, I figured it would be easier than the long trek Danug endured. It was still long, but not nearly as dangerous as I expected. When I met a Clan hunting group and was able to talk to them with my hands, I helped them bring down several large animals with my spear thrower. After that they brought me to camp and told me all about what had been happening with the Others. They helped me cross the mountain pass. I never would have done that without their help. On the other side I find this beautiful woman trading with the Clan people on the other side. I’m not sure I believed Danug until that moment.”   
“It is a good thing he could talk with his hands or I never would have fallen in love with him.” Jonayla said, pulling him close to her side.  
“So you are staying here with us?” Latie asked.  
“I go wherever this beautiful woman leads me. Maybe in a few years we will visit Mammoth camp to let them know I am not walking the spirit world.”  
“I would like to go with you if that ever happens.” Latie said, stepping back and allowing the others to meet him.  
Ayla greeted him formally in heavily accented Mamutoi. Jondalar remembered enough Mamutoi from his time at Lion camp and occasional conversations with Latie in her native language to greet the large man. “Are you the child of Danug?” he asked, noticing the resemblance.  
“No, he is too young. My mother tells me I am from the spirit of Talut.”  
“I can believe that. That would make you Latie’s sister.” Cordran shook his head, knowing something was being lost in translation.  
Ayla laughed at the confusion, knowing it would take far more of an explanation than necessary for the moment. “He meant brother, but why don’t we get the horses unloaded and get a feast prepared.” Ayla greeted Whinnie, noting her very haggard demeanor. She decided these long trips were no longer good for her. After dinner Ayla pulled Jonayla aside to discuss her decision to mate. They went out to brush the horses down.  
“Why him?” Ayla asked in the moonlit darkness.  
“You don’t like him?”  
“Of course I like him. I just want to know, after all the men you pushed aside, why you so quickly fell for him?”  
“I’m not sure. I think it was his laugh. He seems to find humor in everything. He is so different from Jondalar, almost never that serious.”  
“He is young, carefree.”  
“He is only four years younger than me. Is that too much of a difference?”  
“Not as long as he can be serious about taking care of you and your children. Life is not always fun and games. He might move on if things become less fun.”  
“You think I should wait to tie the knot?”  
“The knot can always be severed. The question is will your life be altered by having giant red haired babies. Will you be willing to give up your trading?”  
“I won’t give it up, but I may take some years off, like Kinidar plans to do. He will start again when Dura can travel with us. I would really like to have her along, especially when we visit the Clans. Korg accepts me, but he is very old now. I am not sure other leaders will even talk to a woman like me.”  
“I think you should begin taking one of the mixed children with you. Perhaps Echazar will allow Miralev to accompany you and help.”  
Latie wandered out to check on her horses. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to intrude on a private conversation.” She turned to leave.  
“Latie, is there anything we should know about Cordran?”  
“I don’t know much. He is from the Mammoth Camp. His mother was Nurala, who was very popular at the summer meetings. She had seven children over the years, and almost half as many mates. He was a little younger than Rydag, and would play the hand signal games with the Lion Camp. Those that didn’t like Clan wouldn’t have learned, so I assume he is open minded.”  
“The Clan hunters that brought him over the mountain pass really respected him. They couldn’t laugh, or even smile, but I could tell they enjoyed the stories he told.”  
“Is it a problem that he is too fun-loving?” Jonayla asked with concern.  
Latie thought about it. “He is much like Talut. I don’t think Talut was ever very serious unless mother or Tulie made him be that way.”  
“Should I wait to tie the knot with him?”  
“You’re having doubts?” Jonayla shrugged. “You have waited this long, I don’t see any reason to wait until you are sure. I remember you telling me me you intended to have multiple mates. Is he alright with that?”  
“He is multiple mates, all by himself.” She said shyly.  
“I think we should plan it for the next full moon.” Ayla said. “That will give you time to be sure, time for Durc to come back, and maybe we will have two couples joining.”  
“Definitely not me and Durc. He has a lot of proving himself to me to do. He messes up again and I will be going home next summer. Don’t worry Ayla, Jondalar’s baby will stay here with you. Maybe they all will. They will have a better life here. So would I, who am I kidding. Every year I threaten to go, but there is no place I would rather be.” She finished brushing and talking to her horses and headed back up to the cave.   
“She’s carrying father’s baby?”  
“Yes, you will have another sibling soon if all goes well. I hope it is a son for Jondalar to raise. I wish the Mother had let me keep just one of them. I never had much luck with sons.” Jonayla pulled her mother into an embrace.

“Should I go look for him?” Kinidar asked the group.  
“I’ll go.” Echazar volunteered. “I have been that way before, so I know the way.”  
“I will go too.” Kotani said, stepping forward. “I owe that ugly little man my life.”  
“I go also.” Cordran said. “Is far?”   
Latie knew she couldn’t ride fast without risking the baby. She also expected to find him staying with the women on purpose and she did not need any more heartbreak.  
“I can run it in just a few days without a big group slowing me down.” Kinidar said.  
“But can you talk with your hands well enough if you need to ask the Clan about him.” Dura said, knowing she had to be the one to go.  
“I will go with Kinidar.” Ayla said. “We’ll go faster just the two of us, him running, and me on Whinney. If he is hurt I can heal him. If he is not hurt, I will hurt him for making us worry, then heal him.” There was nervous laughter all around. “Help me pack some supplies Jondalar.” She knew he didn’t want her to go. He also knew that nothing would stop her.  
“I should go too.” He said when they were alone.  
“I would like that.” She said, holding him tightly in her arms.  
“But you won’t let me.” He said, knowing the rest of her words.  
“No. Be here for Latie and your son. He will arrive before I get back.”  
“Then you shouldn’t go.”  
“Latie will be fine. Baby will be fine. Durc not fine.”  
“Then it might be dangerous for you.”  
“I am Clan medicine woman, no harm will come from Clan. I am Zelandoni.” she said, pointing at her tatoo. “No harm will come from Others. Cave Lion will protect me until I am old and die in your warm furs.” She kissed him, then began gathering traveling items. When she had her bundle together she put it on the floor and began to undress. She pulled Jondalar on top of her and felt his undying love for her.


	6. Hobbled

Whinnie was slow, but easily able to keep up with Kinidar. They reached the first Clan cave on the third morning. They only knew that Durc had taken the three women and boy to a cave far to the south and had not returned. They only had general directions, so they headed out wondering if Durc was simply lost. They found two more Clan caves, neither of which had seen Durc or the others despite them being on the trail to the far cave. It was the eighth day when they found the cave Durc was to have arrived at, but they had not seen him. Ayla knew this area from her donnier tour, so she led Kinidar to nearby Zelandonii cave. The Zelandoni told them of a large clash between the eighth Cave and some Clan. Several on each side were killed and many more hurt. He knew of no mixed people involved, but he only knew the story third hand from the summer meeting. He gave her directions to the eighth Cave, and her and Kinidar started out early the next morning.

“They came out of nowhere.” the young man claimed. Ayla could tell he was lying by the way he held his head and shoulders as he talked. “We were just following some deer tracks and they jumped on us and began hitting us. The one that jumped on me broke my arm so I couldn’t throw my spear. I pulled out my knife with my left hand and then a rock hit me in the shoulder, making me drop it. Soldavan was able to throw his spear and kill one of them before a rock hit him in the head. Soldavan died before we could get him back here. My arm turned black so they had to cut it off.”  
Ayla inspected the stump of his arm, amputated at the elbow. “Where is their cave?” She asked. He started to answer and then stopped. “The woman who jumped you and broke your arm, did she give you these scratches as well?” Ayla ran her fingers along the scars on his neck.  
“I didn’t say it was a wo… It was a man that attacked me.”  
“A man of the Clan would have killed you with a single blow. They do not have fingernails to scratch with, only the women do. You aren’t used to them fighting back, are you?” She could tell by the way he reacted she was close to the truth. “I am a powerful Zelandonni. You have heard the story of the wolf that loved the woman?” He nodded. “I am that woman. The wolf protects me from the spirit world now. He tells me what I need to know. He tells me that you have not been telling me the truth. I think you should tell me, or he will visit you when you sleep. I don’t think you will enjoy that visit.” The boy’s eyes were filled with terror.  
“It was Soldavan’s idea. We found footprints in the mud and followed them. It was a small group, two men and three women. We waited until they were asleep and then grabbed the young one. Her baby started to cry and she began to struggle. Soldavan hit her to quiet her and she just went wild and started swinging and biting. She was so strong that I couldn’t hold one of her arms with both of mine. When Soldavan let go to grab his spear, she used both her hands to pull away from me and I felt my arm just snap. I saw one of the men coming at us with a thick spear and then Soldavan killed him. The other man flung stones with a sling. I ran into the dark woods to get away from them. When I went back in the morning Soldavan was dead, bleeding from the head, and the flatheads were gone. Soldavan’s brothers made me go with them trying to find them. We found where they had buried the one Soldavan had killed. Then we followed their trail. It made no sense, like they were going in circles. We split up and Soldavan’s youngest brother must have found them because we found him injured and unconscious, several bruises, from stones I guess.   
“When he woke up he told us that he had hit the rock thrower with his spear before being knocked unconscious. When we caught up with them, there were five big men. I ran away, but Soldavan’s brothers attacked. His oldest brother had a huge hole in his chest from a spear. The middle brother said they had injured another of them before he was hit by a rock in the leg. The bone was completely shattered. They removed his leg and he…” He trailed off.  
The Zelandonni of their cave finished the story. “He dragged himself to the river and drowned in shallow water. He did not want to be a burden on his family. I did not know this version of the story. Those boys have always been trouble. I’m disappointed that you didn’t tell me the truth of this sooner. There are men out right now looking for even further vengeance. All because you want to share pleasures with an animal.”  
Ayla stood in disgust, thanked the Zelandoni for her assistance. She gave the boy a look that conveyed the certain knowledge that her wolf would haunt his dreams if he did not turn his life around. “Which direction was the last fight from here?”   
“Toward the twin peaks north of here. I think their cave is east of that.”   
“Light the signal fire that will bring all your hunters home.” Ayla demanded of the leader. “There will be no more attacks on the flatheads. Your Zelandoni will explain why.” She leapt onto her horse and Kinidar ran to catch up to her. She could only picture Durc with a spear in his side. Even though this happened almost two moons ago, she imagined him still suffering.

They found the cave the next day. Kinidar stayed well back. Ayla pushed by the hunters brandishing spears, signing that she was the medicine woman of Brun’s Clan. Just the incongruity of one of the others knowing their language made them hesitate. The fact that she did so from the back of a horse somewhat frightened them. It helped that they had heard many fantastical stories about her from Durc. She sent Whinnie back to graze near Kinidar, then went into the cave. She found Kara tending to Durc.  
“Mother?” He signed in disbelief. She inspected the scarring on his leg. “I cannot walk.” He said with resignation. The muscle had been cut near the knee. He could not lift the leg to move forward. Had she been here she might have been able to sew it, but she doubted it. She looked him in the eye. “At least it isn’t infected.” He said shrugging. He’d had plenty of time to accept his fate.  
“Do you want to stay here?” She finally asked, fearing his answer would be yes.  
“No. I will be less of a burden on the Lanzadonii than this Clan. Unless you would help me get to Ura now, I will go home with you. She turned and found all eyes staring at her. She figured out which one was the leader. She walked to him demurely and knelt at his feet, waiting for the tap on the shoulder. It came immediately.  
“This woman is sorry for intruding, leader. It is not safe here, but you already know that. I have talked with the Others, and I believe they will leave you alone for now. There is a cave to the west that is still empty. It is where these three women lived until Others killed all of their men. It is doubtful that it would be safer there. This woman wishes she could do more to protect you, but she cannot. I will take my son with me to our home in the northwest. There are caves there where you would be safe. We know and accept Clan ways and Clan people. Thank you for taking care of this woman’s son. We will go now.”  
The leader did nothing more than grunt dismissively. Ayla went over to pick up Durc, but Kara moved in first and lifted his withered body effortlessly. They left the cave followed by most of the onlookers. Ayla let out a shrill whistle and Whinnie came running. She helped get Durc seated on the horse.   
Kinidar approached slowly. “I think we can get through the mountains by going a little further south. I will run ahead and scout.”  
“No. We will go straight north through Zelandonia and tell everyone we see the true story of what happened here. Stay with us for a few more days and then run the well-known trails back home to let everyone know what happened before they send more people to look for us.  
They backtracked until they reached the main trail and headed north. Kinidar ran ahead to find a good place to stop overnight.  
“I was again a fool. I want to help Gruk get his first major kill so he would be considered a man. We followed some bison west and he kept failing to do more than scratch the tough animal. I realized too late he was never going to be a good hunter. I should have stayed near the great ice. I never should have brought them north in the first place.”  
She ignored his self-pitying mumbling. “I think if we tie a stick to your leg you will be able to walk very short distances.”   
“I can hop pretty well. Easier with help.”  
“You didn’t say goodbye to Kara. She didn’t hesitate to pick you up and carry you. I think she would have carried you all the way back to Lanzadonia. She really did love you.”  
“I hated being a burden.”  
“She didn’t seem to care.”  
“I asked the medicine woman for Datura. For too much Datura. She wouldn’t do it. I eventually demanded it, knowing she couldn’t refuse. She gave me only enough to sleep. I stopped eating which is why I am so thin now. I think another moon and I would have been with Ura.”  
“You’ll be with her eventually. We all will. I will help you if that is what you want. But first you will spend time with Latie. You owe her that. If she agrees you are a burden, then we will all say our goodbyes and let you go.” Durc was surprised she would even consider this.   
Ayla offered it, knowing that no one chooses to leave when surrounded by love and absent true suffering. She spotted a small tree that would make a good splint. She pulled out her flint knife and cut it down. She continued to walk along side Whinnie as she stripped the bark and shaped it. When they stopped for the night she cut broad strips from the hide of the deer Kinidar had hunted for dinner. She experimented on her own leg and found a good arrangement of knots to strap the stick on but make it easy enough to remove. In the morning she tried it out. It was better than hopping, but he was very weak from not eating or moving much in last two moons.  
As he rode Whinnie, and she walked along side, she remembered Guban and the walking sticks Jondalar had made for him. She thought one would be enough so she cut down another small tree and began shaping another longer stick for that purpose. As she did this she told Durc about Jonayla’s return, the matrimonial ceremony, and all the other things that had been happening at the main cave.   
Kinidar came back in the afternoon to report a Zelandoni cave up ahead. “It is the eleventh cave of the southern Zelandoni.” She told him. “I have visited them several times. Big river is just west of here. We can follow that all the way to the ninth cave. Thank you Kinidar for your help. You can stay with us tonight or you can head home now.”  
Kinidar thought about it. He knew big river well. He said his goodbyes and headed home after Ayla told him the route she planned to take.

At the Eleventh cave, she told them of the boys and their mischief causing the dangerous escalation of violence. Durc ate well and practiced with his walking sticks. He knew he would never be the same, but he also knew he was no longer completely bedridden. Every day they traveled he insisted on walking further, even though it slowed them.  
“You know what surprised me most mother? Ura didn’t protect me. I know she has done things from the spirit world to protect both Dura and me from the dangers of this world. I thought maybe she wanted me to join her, so she let this happen.”  
“Maybe she was just tired of saving you from your own stupidity.” Ayla was tired, and worried about Whinnie. The horse was not doing well on the steep terrain. “I’m sorry Durc. I have not been sleeping well. It has been a long and tense search and I am angry that the Zelandonii do not care about what the boys do to the Clan. They only see them as being in their way. What will happen when they start getting in their own way. Will they kill each other then? I am glad I will not be alive when that happens.” Her spear thrower came out instantly and she cast a spear effortlessly to take down a small antelope that bounded out of the nearby woods. She helped Durc down off the horse and let Whinnie graze. She then dressed out the small animal and started a fire.  
After they ate and rested in the afternoon sun, Ayla felt much calmer. “I think Durie will be a woman next year. I think her children will not have much look of the Clan at all unless she chooses a mixed mate. I’m not sure if that means there will be little left of the Clan. What is the Clan if not the looks? Durie has none of the Clan memories. She has had to learn them as I had to. If the looks and the memories are gone, what is there that remains?”  
“It was a foolish pursuit. Living with them again I saw how backward they are. The way the women are treated. No people can be better without their women making them better. I’m not sure if having anything of the Clan survive is a good thing. I have been a bad father. I have only started lives, not helped them become better.”  
“You were an exceptional father to Dura. She is an amazing woman. She is the best of all that is Clan, and all that is Others. She should be what all our children become.”  
“I had little to do with what she became. I did my best to stop her from doing what she wanted. Even last year I thought her mating Kinidar was wrong. I have been so wrong about so much.”  
“What are you going to do about it?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You keep complaining about how wrong you are, but you still want to make your own decisions. You need to stop and think what Latie would tell you to do, and then do that instead of making yet another bad decision. Yes Durc, it is that simple.” He thought about it, then smiled with the realization of it. Each time he had made one of his bad decisions, Latie had been there advising the opposite. “Are you ready to go home now?” He nodded and stood up with the help of his sticks. Ayla packed up the rest of the food and called for the horse. Once they crested the hill, Ayla got on the horse with Durc and they turned east for home.  
Latie met them on the path down the hill from the Lanzadonii cave. She had taken to walking with her newborn further every day until she could ride the horse again. Jondalar sometimes walked with her, but today he was up at the flint mine. Ayla hopped down and took the baby from her. It looked up at her in wonder with startling blue eyes.   
Latie stepped up and pulled Durc from Whinney’s back and held him tightly, tears rolling down her face. “I’m sorry I made you take them away. I should have known it would be dangerous.   
“You were right, about everything. I wish I had listened from the beginning. Your new baby is beautiful.”  
“Handsome. His name is Jonathon. It is a combination of Jondalar and his brother Thonalan’s name.” Latie said.  
“Durc was right, he is beautiful.” Ayla said. “Did the delivery go well?”  
“Much better than the other two. Let’s get you two home. Do you want to ride or do you want me to carry you? You have lost so much weight.”  
“I will walk.” He said, taking his walking stick and beginning to hobble up the hill.  
“Stubborn as ever. Jondalar is at the mine if you want to ride up there now.”  
“I do, thank you.” Ayla said, not wanting to part with the baby.  
“I just fed him if you want to take him for his first horseback ride.” Ayla smiled broadly and called Whinnie back. She lept up easily and they rode up the hill.  
“You are so generous to have done that for them.”  
“It was nothing compared to what they have done for me.”  
“Had to do for you because of the way I treated you.” He stopped. “I will be only a burden to you.”  
“Probably. It is a good thing I love you.” She waited for him to start walking, or say something more, but he didn’t. “You can’t make it up the hill, can you?”  
“I can, with your help.” She moved next to him and he put his arm over her high shoulder. It was awkward at first, but they eventually figured out a stepping rhythm that worked. Kinidar came running down the hill and helped support the other side.  
They helped him up to a new dwelling. Kinidar left quietly. Inside the rear partitioned area was a high bed platform. Durc found he could get in and out of it quite easily. Latie helped undo the straps on the splint. She helped him undress and then climbed into the bed next to him. “Welcome home.”  
Ayla brought all three children home a few hours later. They had a quiet family dinner and talked about how life would be. Durie made Durc tell her stories about when Dura had been young. He was glad to have good stories to tell, understanding finally that is what he loved doing most. Stories are how he could keep the Clan alive, regardless who procreated with whom. It was, in fact a story… a legend… that gave him his name in the first place.

The End… Until Tragar’s Path


End file.
